


Silver Lining

by Sophangelo



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, CHAPTER 14 IS AN AUTHOR'S NOTE, CHAPTER 14. IS. AN. A U T H O R ' S N O T E, Drama, Fluff, I repeat, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2018-08-27 18:05:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8411290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophangelo/pseuds/Sophangelo
Summary: Phil remembers his bully from elementary school, the boy with vicious brown eyes and who went by the name of Dan.Now, Phil is in high school, and his mother is diagnosed with cancer. His mum's doctor offers Phil to stay with her until his parent is better.There's just one thing: the doctor is his former bully's mother.With his mother's illness weighing down on him, Phil learns to befriend the person who used to kick him in the crotch- and realize that silver linings do exist.





	1. Cookie

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Buckle up because this is going to take forever. This didn't really go as I expected but oh well. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Phan vid:https://youtu.be/zDeaJOIWeL0

Phil never really liked waiting rooms.

Aside from the fact it took _forever_ for your doctor to finally call you in, he didn’t like the nervous build-up, whether it was for getting an injection, or waiting to know if your mum’s test results from last week says she has cancer or not.

Phil used to think waiting for an injection was the worst, the impending doom looming above you. He now thought- no, knew- it was the latter.

He looked to his left side to see his mum, looking calm and at peace, as if her life wasn’t on the line, as if she was waiting in a hair salon for her hair to get re-dyed.

“Mum, how are you?” Phil asked his mother, placing his hand on hers, his youth and her agedness contrasting.

Christine smiled at her caring son.

“Alright, for a person who might have cancer.”

Phil sighed. “Mum-”

But before he could finish his sentence, a grumpy-looking nurse walked out of the doctor’s office, a large clipboard in her hands.

“Christine Lester, Dr. Howell will see you now.” She announced as two friends walked out, smiles and tears on their face. Phil guessed one of them didn’t have cancer. He hoped he and his mum would be like them when their appointment ended.

Darcy Howell had been Christine’s doctor for the past seven years. She was kind in a subtle way, hiding her generosity behind her obligations and big words. She had a son, Dan, whom Phil went to elementary school with. Phil hated that part of his life, crushing on the boy who tripped him and teased him for getting a low score on the Science test. He was glad the high school he now went to was rid of Dan Howell.

“Right, your test results.” Darcy said once Phil and Christine had sat down on the two chairs in front of her desk. She looked through a folder for a minute, put it down, and gave them a sigh.

A sigh was not good. Unless it was a sigh of relief, and it did not sound like there was any ease in Darcy’s sigh.

“I’m sorry, but I can confirm that you do have cancer.”

And with that, Phil became deaf. He could see Darcy speaking, sadness lacing her face and words. He could see his mother’s sorrow expression. He could see everything except joy.

Phil did not hear anything from Darcy except for the fact that his mum had Hodgkin’s lymphoma, and that it was very treatable. Yay.

“Phil?” Darcy directed to him, and he could hear clearly again. “Needless to say, this will affect you, but not in the way you probably thought. You see, your mother is in a condition where she needs to be- how do I say this- away from you. Do not misunderstand me- you are not bad to her health, not at all. She just needs to be in proper healthcare, at hospital. Would you be alright, living alone?”

“Wait,” Christine interrupted, holding her hand up. “Cancer or not, I refuse for you to live alone until you are of university age next year, when you are nineteen. Now, none of our relatives aren’t very good picks, as they all live far away. If we aren’t living in the same house, we might as well live in the same city.”

Darcy pushed her glasses further up her face. “Christine, if I may, I have known you for seven years, not just as your doctor, but as your friend. Maybe not a best friend or a close friend, but a friend nevertheless. I would be more than fine to let Phil stay with me until you get better. Is this arrangement appropriate enough for you?”

Christine was already nodding, agreeing to Darcy’s offer. Meanwhile, Phil, was more reluctant. It wasn’t a bad idea; he didn’t want to live in Scotland or Ireland or France or even Jamaica, away from his school, away from his friends, and, most importantly, away from his mum. The only problem was the offspring of the woman sitting in front of him: Dan Howell. Bad memories ran through his brain as he thought about living with the Howells.

But Phil wanted to be optimistic. All the stuff he thought about were so long ago, in elementary school, where some didn’t even know what the differences between boys and girls were yet. He didn’t want to add stress on his mum. Plus, Darcy's home was so much cozier than theirs.

Phil shrugged, a forced smile playing on his lips.

“Yeah, it’s okay.”

Darcy nodded and turned back to Christine, spouting out Latin words and scientific facts Phil barely heard.

Nothing was okay.

* * *

Gloomy Fridays did exist. 

The gray weather looked like a sunny day compared to Phil's mood.

Darcy had picked him up after school, with Christine in the front seat. Phil had packed the things he needed after the appointment yesterday. His two suitcases were sitting in the trunk of Darcy's expensive car.

They drove to Royal Free Hospital, where Christine settled into a comfortable room that complete with fast internet and a vase of her favorite flowers on the table.

Darcy left the mother and son for them to say their goodbyes. Christine engulfed her son in a motherly hug, the hugs she gave whenever Phil was sad or scared. Phil inhaled her familiar scent of fabric softener and coconut shampoo, knowing that this was the last hug he'd be getting from his mum for a long time.

"You know good and well I hate goodbyes." She muttered.

"See you later, mum."

They pulled apart. Christine's blue eyes were brimming. "See you later, indeed."

Phil walked to the door and exited the room. He found Darcy standing outside, on her phone. She looked up and gave him a sympathetic smile.

"I'm so sorry." Her tone wasn't empty. She was actually, sincerely, sorry. Phil appreciated that.

"Not your fault." He mumbled, looking down, not wanting her to see his tears.

"Let's get going, Philip."

* * *

 

The Howell residence wasn't very far from the hospital. It wasn't of walking distance, but if there was an emergency, it wouldn't be much of a hassle getting there. Phil was grateful for this.

He was also grateful that the house was  _really nice._

It smelled like white tea, and the cream walls relaxed Phil a little.

"Your room is upstairs, right next to Dan's."

Phil twitched at the mention of Dan.

"Where is he? Dan, I mean." He was silently hoping the brunet wasn't here yet.

His wishes were gloriously answered when Darcy shook her head.

"Dear Daniel doesn't get home until six. I won't be around for dinner, so just order a pizza or something."

"I can cook." Phil's breathing was a bit constricted at the idea of being alone with Dan.

"Wonderful. I'd prefer if my son didn't live on cheese and tomato sauce." She replied, wheeling in Phil's suitcases. He took them from her, not wanting her to do the grueling chore of dragging them up the stairs.

"I'll make pasta, then." Phil joked. Darcy rolled her eyes but smiled. "How's your husband?"

James Howell worked as a pilot, and his family never got to see him that much.

"It's sweet of you to ask. He's great, actually. We might see him next weekend." Darcy's phone beeped in her hand. She checked it and her eyes widened. "Oh my. Phil, I'm sorry, but a patient of mine needs me. Make yourself at home and wait for Dan, okay? He should arrive in twenty minutes or so. Bye!"

She grabbed her purse and frantically left Phil alone. He decided he would spend his twenty minutes unpacking his stuff into his room. He lugged his bags with great difficulty up the stairs.  

The room was okay. It was definitely bigger than the one at Phil's house. The walls were white with vertical, navy stripes. There was a big window overlooking the outdoors, and Phil spotted the hospital where his mother stayed. Under the window was a bed that could fit three grown adults. A wooden closet stood in a corner of the room and a desk with a spinning office chair next to it. The bookcase near the door had some books in its shelves, most of them educational.

Phil unpacked, placing his clothes in the closet, his books in the bookcase, the pillows on his bed, and the school-related things on the desk. When he finished, it was six seventeen. Dan was seventeen minutes late.

He shrugged, not minding it. He made his way to the kitchen downstairs and changed his mind about cooking. They would order something instead. 

Phil settled into the couch and fooled around with his laptop, blocking out negative thoughts in fear of thinking too much and Dan would come home and find a crying mess in his living room. He was actually enjoying himself when-

"Mum? Do you want to have dinner?"

Phil froze.

"Your mum's not home." Phil called out, trying his best to sound calm as he scrolled through pictures of dogs on Tumblr.

Startled steps were heard and a teenager walked in the room. Relief flooded Dan's face when he saw Phil.

"Oh. Mum told me about the situation. Phil Lester, is it not?"

"It's Phil. Dan, right?" Phil held out his hand for a shake when Dan sat down next to him. Dan took it and his hand was surprisingly soft.

"Yeah, it's Dan."

Phil studied Dan's expression. He showed no signs of recognition. That was good. Things wouldn't be so awkward now. 

_Dan had grown_ , Phil realized. The pink-faced, pudgy boy from his elementary years was gone, replaced entirely by a cute, tall teen with piercings on his ears. The softness in his chocolate brown eyes was so comforting, much better than the evil from before.

"You asked about dinner?" Phil turned to Dan, slapping his laptop shut.

Dan nodded. "I'm starving. Let's go see what we can salvage in the kitchen."

Phil followed Dan, pleased that all was going well. 

They rummaged the cupboards and the refrigerator until Dan slumped into a chair.

"Shit. There's nothing to eat. I'll have to remind mum about shopping. Sorry." 

Phil's spirits did not dampen. "It's okay. We'll have a smorgasbord."

Dan raised an  eyebrow in confusion. "What the hell is a smorgasbord?"

"We'll eat a little of everything."

"Couldn't you just say buffet?"

"Smorgasbord is a fun word."

Dan laughed, completely unlike the cackles he would give back in grade one. Phil told himself to stop comparing new Dan to old Dan.

When all the food was ready, Dan and Phil sat down in the living room. On the coffee table was a bowl of popcorn, a bag of salsa-soaked chips, leftover pizza that had not heated enough in the toaster, store-bought fortune cookies, and root bear in styrofoam cups. 

As Phil reached out to grab a slice of pizza, Dan mumbled something.

"What?" Phil hadn't heard him.

"Your mum. What's up with her?"

This was the topic that made Phil want to drown in a puddle of tears, the topic he desperately wanted to avoid with Dan and everyone else around him. But he knew it would come up sooner or later, and it was better sooner.

"She has Hodgkin's Lymphoma. They say it's really curable, which is great, but it doesn't stop it from being cancer." He looked down at the pizza in his hand and realized he wasn't hungry.

"How does treatment work?" 

"They're going to inject a bunch of drugs into my mum, and then she'll get a two-week break so her body doesn't shut down. She needs four rounds and after that, radiation." Phil felt sick as he said this, sad that his mother would be ill for a long period of time. 

Phil jumped when he felt Dan's hand caress his arm.

"That sucks." Dan pointed out, and he was right. "Sorry is so meaningless right now." Right again.

"It is." Phil sniffled, and shook it off. "Anyway, enough about my parent. What about yours? Not your mum." He added when Dan opened his mouth.

Dan thought for a moment, looking down at his paper plate filled with chips. 

"My dad hasn't been home in a almost a month. He isn't working _all the time,_ since that's practically illegal, but he can't just come home from Japan to rest when he's got another flight in twenty-four hours. It doesn't help that he works in one of the busiest airlines in the world."

Phil thought about his own dad, a lying, cheating, playboy who divorced his mum when she was still pregnant with Phil. He mostly hung around bimbos in Las Vegas, towing them around like they were his sex slaves. His 'baby girls', as he liked to call them, were happy to be controlled by such a sick man.

"My dad is a pimp, so be grateful." Phil didn't mean to add the last part, but he felt bitterness rising in his chest when he thought about how his dad was awful and yet his  _mum_ was the one with cancer. Life was unfair.

Dan blushed, looking slightly ashamed. "My apologies. I just miss my dad. He started being a pilot when I was eight. Before that, it was sunshine and ponies and shit like that." He looked at the few fortune cookies on the coffee table in front of them. He grabbed one of them and handed it to Phil.

"Thanks." Phil never believed in fortune cookies, but he still liked reading them. He snapped the cookie in half, and what the little piece of paper said made Phil laugh out loud sincerely for the first time since his mum went to get tested for cancer.

"What?" Dan asked, curiosity burning on his face. He took the piece of paper away from Phil.

_Buy a houseplant._

Dan rolled his eyes. "These damn cookies don't make any sense." He stated as he cracked one open for himself. "See? Mine says 'go to the beach'. It's  _November_."

Phil shrugged. "Funny, though."

Dan snorted. "Your sense of humor is strange. I fear there's something in that slice of pizza you're eating."

Phil grinned, feeling happier, and took a bite of the cheesy slice. "Nothing except coldness, because you didn't heat it enough."

Dan through a popcorn kernel at him. "Shut up. You rushed me."

"Whatever." 

"On another subject, where is my mum? Did she tell you where she was going?"

"Yeah, actually. Doctor stuff."

"Oh. I should have known. You know, I'm really grateful she saves lives and makes loads of money while doing so, but having parents who have jobs where you don't see them that much is awfully lonely, don't you think?"

Phil nodded like a bubble head in a moving car, knowing the feeling of busy parents all too well.

"Definitely. And then you feel horrible because they're doing it for  _you_ , and it's pretty excruciating." He remembered pre-cancer Christine, loving and well-involved, but if he had a pound for every time she said 'I've got my hands full, Phil, sorry' or something like that, he would be a millionaire by now.

"I'm relating to you more than I thought I would." 

"Are you saying you expected me to be a loser?" Phil said, mock-insulted. Dan rolled his eyes at Phil's fake sad expression.

"You are a loser, but I didn't expect you to be a relatable loser." 

"I can live with being a relatable loser." 

"A relatable loser who really needs to eat, because as far as I can tell, you've only swallowed two bites of that pizza during this wonderful smorgasbord."

Phil paled, which was almost impossible. He had really tried his best to hide the fact he didn't want to eat. "I'm not hungry."

"Please eat, you'll die." Dan had an adorable begging face, his lips curved to look so kissable and eyes wide. This convinced Phil into grabbing the bag of chips.

"If that's what you want." He shrugged, shoving a chip into his mouth. He could taste nothing except the salsa.

"Wonderful, thank you." 

Suddenly, they heard a car outside the house.

"Mum's home. And she's early, that's lovely."

Darcy walked in, looking tired but satisfied, obviously from the patient she had tended to.

"Hello, boys." She yawned, exhausted.

"Do you want dinner?" Phil asked her, gesturing to the food on the coffee table.

"Yeah, later. I need to freshen up." She walked up the stairs, making her way up to her bedroom.

"I'm going to wash this." Dan announced as he picked up an empty bowl that was once filled with popcorn. Phil still thought it was weird that he ate the kernels.

He left the room, and Phil noticed the last fortune cookie next to his cup of root beer. He picked it up and broke it for the fortune.

_The bad can give some good._

Phil pocketed the little slip of paper, hoping it was true. 


	2. Sand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phan vid:https://youtu.be/iCdXb6oT4kk
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT MAKE THE VIDEOS I LINK TO YOU. THEY ARE SIMPLY FOR ENTERTAINMENT, CREDITS TO THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THEM.

Dan woke up to the smell of pancakes filling his nose. 

He remembered Phil saying he would cook breakfast the night before and quickly rolled out of bed.

When he was dressed in an oversized t-shirt and pajama shorts, he made his way downstairs.

As he had realized last night, he liked Phil’s presence in the house. With him around, he wouldn’t be so lonely when Darcy went out to save yet another life, which took _forever_.

But he still couldn’t shake off the feeling that he knew Phil from one important part of his life. He was so _familiar._

Dan decided he would let this go, unless Phil knew and he brought it up. At the moment, he just wanted to eat.

He found Phil and his mum in the kitchen. Phil was flipping pancakes at the stove and Darcy was sitting at the table, her plate filled with two chocolate chip pancakes. 

“Morning, Dan.” Darcy greeted him with a smile. She was already dressed in her work clothes, so it was probably eight or so. 

“Morning.” He half-said, half-yawned as he stretched his arms upward. He took a seat at the table and his mum pushed a plate of pancakes toward him.

Dan grabbed a nearby fork and dug in. It was fluffy and the chocolate was melting in his mouth. Overall, it was a great pancake.

“American pancakes are so good,” He said to no one. “What’s the plan today?”

“Not much,” Phil replied as he sat down across from Dan with a plate of pancakes for himself. His voice said _not much_ but his expression said _we’re totally going to go somewhere when your mum’s at work_.

Dan smiled at him. Phil in the morning was so cute. His hair was messy and practically in a quiff, and he had his glasses on. He made a mental note to steal his contacts later on.

“How’s my mum, Mrs. Howell?” Phil asked Dan’s mum. 

“Just call me Darcy.”

“Can I call you Darcy?” Dan quipped. Phil muffled his laugh by covering his mouth with a hand. His mum poked his nose. 

“I’d prefer ‘mum’ for you. As for Christine,” She turned to Phil with a more serious tone. “She’s getting her first round of chemotherapy today. You can visit her when I tell you to.” She added when Phil opened his mouth to say something.

“Who’s injecting her?” Dan interjected.

“Me, of course. Speaking of which, I have to go. Thank you for the breakfast, Phil, it was delicious. Don’t worry; your mum is in good hands, as I’m handling her. Be a good boy, Daniel.” She kissed Dan’s forehead and he rolled his eyes, pretending he hated it when she did that.

Dan took her plate, which had half of a pancake left.

“Your mum is awesome. I can’t believe she let me stay here with you guys.” Phil said to him when Darcy was out the door. Dan nodded.

“She is. I’m grateful she let you stay with us.” He hadn’t realized he added that last sentence, and saw that Phil was biting his lip. He blushed and mentally hit himself.

“I mean- since your mum- It’s great she watching over you- and- um, yeah.” Dan was a stuttering mess and stuffed pancake into his mouth to shut himself up.

Phil smiled, and picked up his cup of coffee.

“We’re going to the beach today.” He announced before taking a sip.

Dan nearly choked on the piece of chocolate his was chewing on.

“It’s colder than balls, Phil.” That wasn’t an exaggeration. It was literally winter without snow. The fact that it would actually get _colder_ during December made Dan anxious for Christmas. 

“Your fortune.” Phil pointed out. It took Dan a few moments for him to remember the fortune cookie. When he did, he groaned.

“Those fortunes aren’t real!” He exclaimed, crossing his arms.

“I wouldn’t say that.” Phil murmured against his cup before taking another sip.

Dan didn’t know what that meant, so he ignored it. 

“I’m not going to the bloody beach.” Dan growled irritably.

“Isn’t there a beach near here?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I go to it everyday! I went there three times last summer, and it was _fucking summer_.” Not true. He basically went there everyday in the summer, but Phil needn’t to know that. 

“Please? For me?” Phil fluttered his long eyelashes and widened his blue eyes. Dan rolled his eyes, not being able to resist him.

“Fine, we’ll go to the damn thing. Just- let’s make a deal.”

“Gladly. What is it?”

Dan thought for a minute. 

“Stop wearing contacts and use glasses forever.” 

Phil looked confused and reluctant, but nodded.

 

* * *

 

 

Despite the fact it was _freezing_ , the beach was quite nice.

The sea wasn’t as blue as Dan had remembered it; it was slightly gray with hues of stormy blue waving across the sand. He breathed in the air, it was salty but in a wintery way. 

Payton Beach wasn’t big. The sand only stretched horizontally to cliffs that weren’t also very sizable either. But Dan loved this beach. He remembered trips here with his friends, and, most importantly, with his parents. His dad would swim with him and his mum would help him make the best sandcastles and they’d laugh and play and summers when he was in elementary school were the best. 

 _Elementary school_ , Dan thought. Was that how he knew Phil? 

As Phil sat down next to him on the sand, handing him a thermos filled with homemade hot chocolate. Dan drank it, the creamy chocolate and melted marshmallow filling him with warmth.

Phil had taken off his boots and his bare feet were sinking in the cool sand.

“This isn’t very sandy-colored.” Phil observed, running his mittens through the earth.

 He was right. The sand was light brown, little pebbles speckled everywhere.

“It’s beautiful.” Dan told him, though not defensively. 

“And incredibly comforting for your skin.” Phil added with pleasure, his toes peeking out of a heap of sand.

Dan chuckled. “Skin-gasm.” Phil punched him playfully.

“Seriously. Feel it. It’s like, pillows in dirt form.”

Dan smiled and his pulled off his boots. The cold air stabbed his bare skin like a thousand ice swords. His feet sank into the sand, which was _wonderful_.

“You’re so familiar,” Dan said to Phil. “Did we go to school when we were five or something?”

Phil froze (not _literally_ , although it would be perfectly possible, considering the weather). 

“Yeah, actually, we used to go to elementary school together. You were my bully.” 

The memories flashed at Dan, with guilt tagging along with them.

“I’m so sorry. I was an evil little shit.”

“You were, definitely. I hated you.” He stared at his lap, not facing Dan, who realized it was time to change the subject. 

“Can you believe this could be parrotfish poop?” Dan asked, remembering his science lessons from seventh grade. His tactic worked and Phil laughed. 

“I wish my poop was like this.” Phil stared off the distance dreamily, like a preteen girl wishing for her favorite band to date her. 

“You, sir, have your priorities in order.” Phil laughed again, and Dan decided he would make Phil laugh everyday.

“Have you ever tried dating?” The sudden shift of the conversation made Dan jump a bit.

Dan had a boyfriend named Jake. He had been his best friend, and they started dating when they were fourteen, breaking up last year when they were both seventeen. They didn’t end well, considering from the reasons _why_ they broke up.

 “Yeah, I had one serious boyfriend. His name was Jake.”

“Oh, he bullied me too. You guys were the evil overlord bullies of the playground. Jake Harrington, right?”

Dan nodded, remembering the blond with mischievous green eyes and every straight girl’s impossible dream, ‘impossible’ because of his preferences. 

“You like dudes?” Phil pressed on.

“Yeah. Girls too, but yeah.” 

“Same.” 

The silence that followed was a little awkward but also comforting. Dan focused on a bird flying over the sea, looking for fish to catch.

“How about you? Any old flings I’d like to hear about?” Dan asked Phil after the lengthy quiet.

“My first kiss was in grade four with a girl named Lucy Hale. We dated for six months back in eighth grade, but we broke up because she forgot about me after her vacation in Bermuda and she met some hunky guy or whatever. She was there for _two days._ I think I’m worth more than two days.”

“You’re worth, like, three days. 

“Please. _You’re_ worth one day.”

“No, I’m worth two years.” Dan flipped imaginary hair in the sassiest way possible. 

“You’re worth forever.” He heard Phil mutter. He blushed and pretended he hadn’t heard it. 

“Phil, it’s getting colder by the minute. Can we go now?” He rubbed his hands all over his arms, hugging himself. 

“I’m getting my glasses’ worth. Let’s dip our toes in the water.”

“Bloody hell.” Dan muttered as Phil helped him up. They made their way to the sea, bare feet striding through the soft sand.

Their feet dipped into the water, and ice surged through their veins. 

“Oh my god!” Phil shrieked as they both jumped out of the water. “That’s colder than your heart, Dan!”

Dan ignored that last part. “I told you so.”

“Ugh. Let’s go back home.” Phil walked back to their boots, teeth chattering and feet soaking wet.

“Gladly.”

They put on their boots and walked back to the Howell house, both of them dreaming about the heater.

When they reached the house, they saw a car that did not belong to them.

“Who are they?” Dan peered at the young couple inside it, wondering if it was two spies who came to kidnap them.

Phil stared at them and realization slapped his face. 

“It’s my brother and his girlfriend.”

 

* * *

 

“Where have you been?” Phil’s brother, Martyn asked them when they stepped into the warm house.

“The beach.” Dan answered, shaking off his mittens.

 “In the cold?” Martyn’s girlfriend, Cornelia, raised her perfect eyebrow.

“Phil’s idea.” Dan replied as he led them out of the foyer.

“Oh. Makes sense.”

Dan muffled a laugh at this and they all sat down in the living room.

 “Mum told us last night.” Martyn started. “We went to the hospital this morning before the start of chemotherapy. This whole thing is horrible.”

 “She was relaxed, for a person who has cancer. It’s slightly saddening.” Cornelia added, helping herself to the bowl of chocolate-covered almonds Dan had brought in.

“I know, right? Whenever she gets sick, she gets through it like it’s nothing. I thought cancer would be an exception, but I guess I’m wrong.” Phil said as he played with a stray thread on Dan’s sweater.

“She’s strong, mum.” Cornelia continued. “She’s going to get through this. Anyway, her doctor, Darcy, sent us out right before chemo. Darcy gave us this address and said you were with her son, Dan.” She gestured to Dan. “You’re her son, I’m intelligently guessing.”

“Your intelligent guess is correct.” Dan muttered, looking at Phil in the corner of his eye. He felt like an intruder to the conversation.

“We thought we’d come over to check on you.” Martyn told Phil. “How are things?”

 “Other than the cancer thing, great.” Phil answered with a small smile. “Darcy and Dan are amazing.”

 Cornelia grinned. “That’s wonderful, Phil. Our plan was to have lunch with you guys. Shall we go out?”

“Yeah.” Phil answered for him and Dan.

“Phil,” Martyn suddenly said to him. “We went over to the house today and I was looking for my Psychology textbook I left like, a month ago. it wasn’t there, maybe you packed it by accident?”

“I did, actually. It’s in my room, come on, I’ll give it to you.”

The two brothers walked up the stairs quickly, and Dan was alone with Cornelia.

“Are you and Phil dating?” Cornelia blurted out after an awkward silence. Dan blushed a deep crimson.

“No,” was his shy answer.

“Oh, I thought you were. My mistake. It’s just the way you look at each other. Sorry.”

Dan nodded, cheeks still burning pink. Martyn and Phil were soon back with them, and they all headed out the door and into the world.

Before she walked back to her boyfriend’s side, Cornelia murmured something to Dan. 

“I’m just saying. You guys would look really good together.”

Dan blushed even more, Phil appearing next to him as Cornelia walked back to Martyn.

 _Don’t fall for another friend,_ he told himself.


	3. Eggnog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy gays I'm sorry if this chapter is short but at least I wrote a chapter right. lol.
> 
> Phan vid: https://youtu.be/U_Vb5kNHmw8

Darcy permitted Phil to visit his mother the following Tuesday.

“Don’t expect much.” Darcy told him as they stood outside Christine’s hospital room. “She’s quite delirious from the medication.”

Phil nodded. He walked into the room with her.

Christine was paler, and her blonde locks were pulled in a messy ponytail, stray curls framing her face wildly. Her blue eyes were less sharp, and, frankly, she looked a bit scared.

 _That’s normal_ , Phil told himself.

She noticed him and broke into a weak grin.

“Philly!” She greeted him, her voice hoarse.

“Hello, mum.” He smiled at her.

“I’ll give you two some privacy.” Darcy said from the doorway, and left to perform her ‘doctor duties’, as Dan had called them.

“How are you?” Phil asked her as he sat down on a chair next to her bed.

“Better, now that you’re here. It’s been _dreadful_.” She sighed.

“I’m so sorry.” Phil frowned, wishing they weren’t in this hospital, wishing his mother was rid of cancer and that it was a normal Tuesday afternoon where he sat in his own home, waiting for Christine to arrive so they could eat the meal he cooked together.

“What about you? With school and being with Darcy.”

Phil thought for a moment. He decided he wouldn’t talk about how he liked living with Darcy- no, _Dan_.

“School’s the same. Living with the Howells is okay.”

_Translation: Living with Dan is amazing and the only good thing in this whole situation._

As he talked to his sick mother, Phil felt incredibly guilty about having fun in the Howell home.

“Darcy is _wonderful.”_ Christine said, her eyes focusing at the TV for a second before turning her attention to Phil. “She makes the treatment less harrowing than it has to be.”

“She is great.” Phil agreed.

“What time is it?” Christine asked suddenly.

Phil looked at his watch. “Five twenty seven.” He answered.

Christine frowned in confusion. “Oh? I thought it was nine PM.”

Phil smiled, attempting to lighten things up.

“Me too.” He joked.

Christine rubbed her temples. “Ugh. The damn chemo is turning me into some weird, crazy lady.”

Normally, she never swore in front of kids, not even Martyn. Phil pretended he hadn’t heard it.

“You’re very normal to me, mum.” He reassured her. She looked up at him and smiled.

“You’re sweet. I don’t deserve you.”

“No, you don’t deserve this.” Phil gestured around the hospital room, trying to say she didn’t deserve cancer.

“Don’t be soppy, Philip.”

“Fine. I was just telling the truth. When was the last you talked to Martyn and Cornelia?”

“I saw them during Saturday, but they called to say hello a few hours ago.”

Before Phil could reply, she suddenly froze, looking sick. She grabbed a buzzer from her nightstand and pressed it frantically.

“Mum, what’s wrong?” Panic rose in Phil’s chest.

“A lot of things.” She wheezed. “Get that.”

She pointed to a red bucket on the table, and Phil left her side to grab it, and gave it to her. She vomited violently into it as Darcy and a nurse came running in.

“Oh my.” The nurse gasped and took out a few medicines from a cabinet, approaching Christine.

“Jesus.” Phil heard Darcy whisper. The doctor turned to Phil, looking concerned.

“What’s wrong?” He asked her.

“Something that is very common when you have cancer. I’m sorry, but you should get going. I’ll drive you home.”

It was the last thing Phil wanted to do, but he didn’t argue.

“No, I’ll walk.”

Darcy raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure? It would be quicker if I drove. It’s freezing outside, Phil.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Phil said as he remembered going to the beach with Dan last Saturday. “You’ve got your hands full.”

Darcy sighed. “That’s true. Get home safely, okay? Don’t go anywhere else.”

Phil nodded. “See you, Darcy.”

He didn’t wait for her to reply and headed out of the depressing environment.

 

* * *

 

When he arrived home, it was six thirty seven; meaning Dan was back from school.

He found the brunet in the kitchen, decorating a batch of Christmas cookies.

“Hi!” He greeted Phil happily. “School ended rather early so I went to the shop to pick up some shit. Somehow I grabbed a mix for Christmas cookies. When I got home, you weren’t here so I decided to pass the time by making cookies and eggnog.”

Phil looked at the cookies that were sitting on a plate, all decorated to look like Santa Claus. He picked one up and bit it. It was delicious.

“Wow.” He forced energy into his tone and failed.

Dan didn’t seem to notice Phil’s sadness and pointed to the punch bowl of eggnog.

“You want? I snuck in some vodka-“

Phil pounced on the eggnog when he heard ‘vodka’. He grabbed the bowl and gulped down the drink, creamy and sweet but with a hint of spice from the alcohol.

When he put the bowl down, a quarter of its contents gone, Dan looked at him with concern.

“What happened during the visit?”

Phil groaned and told Dan the story.

“I hate this.” He growled, eating a cookie. “It doesn’t make any sense. Why would you make someone sick _sicker_ to make them feel better?

Dan was silent for a minute, then ladled a good amount of eggnog into a tall glass and handed it to Phil, who gladly accepted it.

“I know. It’s awful. But no matter how weird treatment is, it’s still treatment. Fucked up treatment, yeah, but treatment nonetheless. There’s not much to do except accept it and be there for her, which is what you’re doing.”

Phil chugged the glass of eggnog.

“That’s the thing! We can’t do _anything_ except tell her everything is okay when it’s obviously not.”

Dan gave him a sympathetic look and sipped his own glass of eggnog.

“Put yourself in Christine’s shoes. Would you rather your son was at your side, comforting you when you’re at the brink of panic, or your son completely ignoring you?”

“The first one.” Phil whispered, breaking a cookie in half.

“Obviously! Christine and everyone else who are sick share your answer. This is the truth, Phil: you can either be there for her or be nothing at all.”

Phil thought about what he said. Dan was right. At least he was doing something.

“Thank you.” Phil told him, voice soft. “That really helped.”

“It did?” Dan said, surprised.

Phil nodded, smiling. “You’re good at comforting. I’ll bring you along during the next hospital visit.”

“I’d like that.”

And as the flow of the conversation drifted into another subject, Phil found himself extremely grateful that Darcy let him stay with them.

 


	4. Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What up fellow trash cans! I was originally going to combine this with the last chapter, but my brain slipped off so whatever. Thanks to all who left a kudos and commented! (shout out to that one person who bookmarked) 
> 
> Cheeky video to get you all in the mood: https://youtu.be/0OJ9eQ3mL74
> 
> P.S. ISN'T SUMIRAI THE BEST WHERE DID YOU GO SUMIRAI COME BACK

_Dan woke up in meadow, soft grass tickling his skin. The warmth of the sun was a refreshing change from the cold skies of November._

_He stood, staring at the flowers that surrounded him. He looked up, and spotted Phil at the end of the meadow._

_Phil looked like an angel, the light bouncing of his skin gently and his smile kind. All that was missing were wings and a halo._

_“Take my hand, you’re worth forever.” Phil called lovingly, his hand outstretched._

_Dan ran to him, skipping across the meadow to get to Phil._

_But when their fingers grazed, Phil disappeared, and so did the sun. Soon, the skies were gray and angrily cackling with thunder. In the place where Phil stood, another boy appeared, and he was not an angel. He was the devil._

_It was Jake. His green eyes pools of evil, his smile twisted._

_“You’re scared of me.” He sneered._

_“I’m not.” Dan whispered weakly._

_“You miss me.”_

_“I don’t.”_

_“Why are we holding hands, then?”_

_Dan looked down. Sure enough, their hands were intertwined. He tried to pull away, but Jake tightened his grip._

_“You don’t deserve me.” Dan found himself saying, his voice filled with hate._

_Jake chuckled roughly._

_“You’re wrong. You always are.”_

_And with that, everything turned black, and Dan screamed endlessly, feeling the excruciating pain._

* * *

 

 

Relief surged through him when Dan opened his eyes and found that the whole thing had been dream.

The window in his room was drenched in condensation. Though he was wearing an oversized sweater, pajama pants, and a huge, fluffy comforter engulfed him, he still felt cold.

He tried to go back to sleep, but the chilly temperature and the fear of having another nightmare stopped him from doing so.

Eventually, he gave up on sleep and rolled out of bed, deciding he would make himself a cup of hot cocoa.

The iciness in the air bit him, but he ignored it as he made his way downstairs.

He passed the living room on the way to the kitchen, and-

“Dan? Is that you?”

Dan jumped, thinking there was a serial killer.

“Yeah.” Dan replied quietly. Realization hit him. “Phil?”

“That’s me. Come here.”

Dan weaved his way through the darkness until Phil took him and set him down on the couch. It was so cold, Dan wasn’t surprised when Phil wrapped his arm around him, their legs pressed together under a blanket.

Phil was an excellent heating source. He really was the living embodiment of the sun.

Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder, still not sleepy but getting there.

“What time is it?” Dan asked in a hushed tone. The walls weren’t completely soundproof, after all.

“Three o’clock.” Phil answered. “Still awake four hours before school, huh?”

Dan yawned. “Yeah. I mean, I was asleep by ten, but I kind of had a nightmare.”

“Tell me.” Phil pulled him closer.

“I’d rather not.” Dan countered hesitantly.

“Please.” Phil muttered in the darkness. “You comforted me hours before, now it’s my turn.”

Dan sighed. “It was about Jake.”

“Jake Harrington?”

“No, Jake from _Adventure Time_.” Dan said sarcastically. Phil chuckled.

“Jake Harrington, then.”

Dan nodded.

“The dream was pretty short, so I’ll just tell you about him.”

“Okay.”

Something about Phil’s ‘okay’ made Dan more comfortable about telling him.

“Right. When I was five, my mum was friends with this woman, Eliza Harrington. She came over with her son and husband. You can guess who her son was.”

“Jake?”

“Yep. We became friends after that night. Then elementary school happened. He was like ‘Dan, we can’t be bullied like in primary school’ and I was like ‘How’ and then we bullied. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m over it.” There was tightness in Phil’s voice. “Go on.”

“Yeah. Life went on, and then we were soon fifteen. We had stopped bullying by this point. We started dating. Two years passed, and then things got shitty.”

Phil said nothing. Dan thought he was asleep, but he saw he was wide awake, rubbing Dan’s arm encouragingly.  
“Jake started ignoring me. I’d suggest we go out over text and he’d be like ‘sorry, can’t’. Sometimes he was actually busy, but most of the time he was lying his ass off. This continued until we went to a party together. He was out of my sight for a minute, and then I caught him making out with some girl. I got mad at him, but he somehow convinced me out of my rage. I took his bait- no, that’s not a euphemism for something weird.” Dan added when Phil was looking at him strangely. They laughed, and Dan continued.

“Jake did so much more. He snogged and ‘hung out’ with countless people. I kept forgiving him. We would argue all the time and I found myself wishing we broke up. I’d bring it up, but he would avoid the subject. One night, I lost it. I told him I had enough. He hit me and said I was just scared. We didn’t break up. Whenever we fought, he would hit me. This went on for three months until my mum saw the bruises. She was _fucking livid_ when I finally confessed to her about Jake. She rang Eliza and we all had a meeting, where my dad was actually included.”

Dan recalled the events that had strung out.

 _“You are not allowed to be with my son again!”_ Darcy had screamed at Jake.

 _“Is this what you call ‘parenting’?”_ James had jeered at Eliza and her husband.

“Eliza and her husband were horrified and sent Jake to some sort of improvement center.” Dan rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Whatever happened there, he definitely didn’t _improve_. He came back a month later and spread rumors about how I was stupid and faking it. Almost everyone believed it. He’s the reason I only have like, two friends at school. That’s pretty much it.”

Silence fell upon them. Dan sighed and rested his head back on Phil’s shoulder.

“That’s horrible.” Phil murmured after the uneasy quiet.

“Yeah. What about you? Why are you awake at three in the morning?”

Phil shrugged, making Dan’s head accidentally slip off. Phil giggled at this.

“Sorry. I don’t know why I’m awake. I was thinking about my mum and you. By you, as in what you said earlier about my mum and stuff…“ He stopped, blushing pink.

Dan smiled.

“You’re cute.” Normally, he wouldn’t have said this out loud, but the darkness between them and his sleepiness made him brave enough.

“I know.” He heard Phil reply as he closed his eyes. “You are, too.”

“Your mum’s going to find us here, you know.” Phil reminded him. Deep down, Dan really didn’t care. So what if his mother found her son cuddling with the houseguest? The world wouldn’t end if she did.

“Whatever. I like it here.”

Phil laughed. “Same.”

And, as they cuddled close, sleep finally overcame them, Dan hoping it wasn’t all a dream.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!


	5. Prank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so freaking stupid omg I posted this chapter WHEN IT WASN'T EVEN DONE YET UGH *seven hundred cringe attacks*
> 
> Sorry to those who got confused! Thankfully I didn't write the best part of the fic in the draft.
> 
> Anyway this one is longer than the last two chapters which is great because I bet you love long things
> 
> Once again, thanks to all who left a kudos and commented! I appreciate your existence.
> 
> REALLY CUTE PHAN VID THAT WILL MAKE YOU DIE FROM THE FEELS: https://youtu.be/EpqxgWxbCEk
> 
> Right so bants aside, here is the fifth chapter, titled Prank! I really hope you enjoy!

A few more days passed, and neither Dan nor Phil brought up the night of cuddling. In the back of both their minds they knew it had been a strange effect from the drug called exhaustion.

(That’s what they liked to think, anyway).

Friday morning started with a sad Phil sitting at the dining table, a bowl of cereal in front of him. He had called his mum before he had gone to bed last night, and it had taken her five minutes for her to remember whom ‘Phil’ was. She had acted loopy all throughout the call, forgetting things that weren’t supposed to be forgotten (like the birthdays of her children) and giving him advice that was completely unrelated to their conversation topic.

Phil told himself it was just the medication, which made him hate it even more.

“Morning, Phil.” Darcy chirped as she entered the room with Dan in tow.

“Took forever to wake you up, didn’t it?” Phil said to Dan as the brunet sat next to him.

Dan groaned, burying his face in his hands. Darcy laughed as she made two cups of coffee, one for her and one for her less-than-energetic son.

Dan had slept late last night, and Darcy had taken a good hour into waking him up. It was rather surprising he wasn’t late for school.

Darcy handed the mug of caffeine to Dan, who gladly took it.

“Drink up, Dan, you’ve got to go to a party tonight.” Darcy instructed, scrolling through her phone.

“Party?” Phil questioned. He wanted to spend the night with Dan like he had done the last Friday, except with good food this time.

“Yeah.” Dan replied, a little more energy in him. “If you could come along, that’d be great, because I don’t want to face my classmates alone. My friends are so much more outgoing than me. It’s at seven thirty tonight.”

Phil shrugged, as so not to appear too eager. “Okay, I’ll go with you.”

Dan smiled and gulped down more of his coffee.

“Eleven’s the limit, boys.” Darcy reminded them without looking up fro her gadget.

Dan rolled his eyes. “You keep saying that, so much so that it’s literally been engraved in my brain.”

Darcy threw the breath mint she was about to take at Dan.

“No sass, mister.”

“No breath mints, mum.” Dan complained as he picked up the Tic Tac from the floor and shot it into the nearby trashcan.

“Only when there’s no sass. Finish your coffee.” She looked at Phil, who was still spooning Lucky Charms into his mouth. “Finish your cereal.”

 

* * *

 

When Dan arrived home, Phil was in his room, looking through his pile of clothes for something to wear. Dan had been texting him details on the party throughout the entire day. Phil almost got his phone confiscated.

Somehow, he was able to find an appropriate outfit. He made his way downstairs, dressed in black jeans and a button-up shirt.

He found Dan on the couch of the living room, playing with his phone.

“Is that my shirt?” Phil asked him, staring at the navy blue jumper he had on.

Dan looked up. “Please, you know how cold I get.”

Phil shrugged. “Well, if you want to.”

“I do.” Dan answered as he stood up from his place on the couch. “Let’s go, we’re walking.”

Phil groaned. “I _hate_ moving my legs. You should get a car.”

They were out the door with Phil complaining.

“Chill, Philip. The house is only a few blocks away.”

Phil chuckled as he thought of a joke.

“So you’re saying… I should take a chill Phil?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I can’t with you.”

Phil laughed.

“The neighborhood isn’t very crowded, isn’t it?” Phil looked around. It wasn’t really neighborhood. It was a mountain-like place with a few houses here and there.

“Yeah. That’s why I love living here.”

‘Me too’ was stuck in Phil’s throat, but he decided he wouldn’t voice it.

“I can see that.”

 

* * *

 

Dan was right about the distance, as they arrived at the house after ten minutes.

“The party’s hosted by my friend Chris.” He announced.

Phil nodded. Music and loud voices elicited from the open doors of the big house.

They walked in. The place was decorated with so many fairy lights it was bright enough to see clearly.

A boy with shaggy brown hair and a wide grin on his face came up to Dan.

“You came!” He noticed Phil. “This your date?”

Phil saw little spots of pink on Dan’s face and smiled.

“No, this is Phil. I thought I would bring him along. Phil, this is Chris, the host of many parties.”

Chris and Phil shook hands.

“Great to meet you.” Chris told Phil sincerely, and then turned back to Dan. “Anyway, I best be going. As the host I’m obligated to mingle. By the way, Dan, Louise actually decided to come.”  
Delighted surprised fell upon Dan’s face. “That’s great! I’ll be with you guys in a second.”

Chris disappeared into the crowd. Phil raised his brows, wondering who Louise was to Dan. A friend? A crush? A _girlfriend_? Phil felt slightly sick.

“Uh, who’s Louise?” Phil asked Dan with a frown he was trying to keep hidden.

He failed. Dan laughed.

“Are you jealous?” Dan joked.

“No, I’m not!” Phil pouted, crossing his arms.

Dan smiled. “Louise is my friend. She’s like my second mum. Do you think I’d date one of my mums?”

Phil shook his head while grinning. “No.”

“Good.” He pointed to a sofa across the room. “Sit, I’ll go get drinks.”

“Alcoholic?”

“If you want.”

  
“Okay. Not too much.”

“Sure thing, Philly.”

They parted ways. As Phil neared the sofa, he realized there were two people sitting there, a boy and a girl.

He sat down, not helping to hear their conversation.

“PJ, you can’t just ask Cassie out by saying ‘hey, let’s bang’.”

The boy named PJ rolled his eyes.

“It was a joke, Louise, take a joke.”

The girl, Louise, noticed Phil and hit PJ on the arm. He almost dropped the cup he was holding.

“Ow! God, you hit like a bloody WWE champion! What is it?”

“Look behind you.”

PJ whirled around and jumped at the sight of Phil. He regained his composure.

“Hi, I’ve never seen you around here. Are you new?”

Phil shook his head. “No, I’m with Dan.”

PJ looked confused and Louise’s expression twisted into recognition.

“Oh! I know you. You’re Phil! Dan _always_ talks about you. I’m Louise.”

Phil blushed at the thought of Dan talking about him.

Realization dawned upon PJ’s face.

“Yeah, we’re pretty sure Dan _loves_ you.” He told Phil.

Phil felt his cheeks burning. “I’d think otherwise.”

Louise smiled softly. “We’d think otherwise from otherwise.”

“We’re sorry about your mum by the way.” PJ added. “Dan didn’t tell us what she got, but we’re sorry, anyway.”

PJ was being seriously sincere. Phil smiled at him. He wasn’t going to tell them she had cancer and pull out all his worries and woes. He didn’t want to ruin the mood.

“Thanks for the cancer- I mean, oh my God, _concern_.” Phil hit himself mentally for messing it up.

Fortunately, neither PJ nor Louise showed reaction. And if they were, Dan interrupted them by sitting next to Phil.

“Here you go.” Dan handed Phil a cup of what looked like a pink smoothie. “Some kind of weird, blended punch or whatever. As you requested, there’s not much alcohol.”

“Thanks.” Phil said before sipping. It was delicious, the taste of strawberry and something spicy on his tongue.

“I love your jumper, Dan.” Louise told him, looking at it. “Where did you get it?”

“I don’t know.” Dan replied. “It’s not mine, actually. Phil, where is it from?”

“Zack’s.” Phil answered.

“Thanks, you have such good fashion sense, Phil.” Louise told him. She was smirking. PJ mouthed ‘he loves you’. Phil rolled his eyes, grateful Dan hadn’t seen them.

The conversation went on, one of them getting up to refill their drinks every now and then.

After awhile, a Twenty One Pilots song came on.

“I love this song.” Dan told Phil.

Phil smiled. “Let’s dance, then.”

As they walked to the dance floor, PJ and Louise _freaked out_. They displayed heart hands while jumping up and down, the both of them mouthing things like ‘phan is real’ and ‘OTP’. Again, Phil was grateful Dan hadn’t seen them.

They danced, moving quickly to the fast rapping. They were just flailing rapidly, but they were having fun, so it didn’t really matter. The more songs they danced to, the giddier and drunker they got. After a while of dancing, they made their way to the drinks table.

“Here.” Dan handed Phil a shot. “Take it.”

Phil obeyed, necking the shot of vodka.

“Wow, that’s strong.” Phil muttered. Before they could drink more, they heard the conversation of the two girls nearby.

“Where’s Jake?” The redhead asked her friend.

“Didn’t you hear? The Harringtons are out of town.”

“Oh, bollocks. What a waste of an outfit.”

“Sweetie, that’s not an outfit. It’s literally cloth covering your boobs, crotch, and ass.”

The girls moved their conversation somewhere else, most probably to the bathroom to reapply their makeup.

“Oh my God.” Dan said.

“I know.” Phil replied, nodding his head. “I can’t believe her parents let her wear that.”

Dan rolled his eyes and grabbed the shot in Phil’s hands.

“No, you spork. About Jake! He’s out of town!”

Phil was confused.

“Dan, I know he’s your ex-boyfriend, but are really that stalker-ish?”

“It’s not that! Jake lives near Chris! Wait, no, it’s not very near, but it’s of walking distance!”

“Are you saying we should break in and steal his most precious belongings as a form of revenge?”

“No- actually, that’s a good idea-“

“Dan! We’re not going to do that. What was your original plan?”

“Okay, so Chris and his family have a _lot_ of toilet paper rolls around. Something about everyone spilling stuff. Anyway, I was thinking-“

“We’re going to toilet paper Jake’s house!”

Phil had to admit, he liked that idea. The amount of pain that had been in Dan’s voice when he had talked about Jake the other night really made Phil hate him. But a tiny voice was telling him _don’t do it_ …

Dan was so eager, though.

“Please?”

Phil sighed. “Okay.”

Excitement lit up on Dan’s face, and once again, Phil thought he was adorable.

Soon, they were in the Kendall family bathroom, stuffing toilet paper rolls into Phil’s backpack.

“Be sure to leave at least half of the rolls.” Phil reminded as Dan went to grab another one.

They found two ski masks in the storage closet. They hung around the party for another hour and a half, as so not to hurt Chris’s feelings (they were already stealing his toilet paper, after all).

After insisting to Chris, PJ and Louise they had a curfew (Chris winked and dropped a few subtle innuendos) they were out of the house, ready to cover a house in toilet paper.

 

* * *

 

 

“Are we seriously going to do this?”

Dan and Phil stood in front of the house. It had taken them _forever_ to get there.

“Yes, Phil. Ski masks on.” Dan instructed. They slipped on the masks and stared at each other for a moment.

“We look like Twenty One Pilots.” Phil commented.

“That’s not a bad thing.” Dan grabbed the eight rolls they had taken.

“How are we supposed to do this?” Phil asked Dan as he tore off a long piece of toilet paper.

“You’ve never done this before?”

Beneath his mask Phil raised his eyebrows. “No…”

“Well, I haven’t either. We’ll learn on the job.”

Phil shrugged and threw the piece he was holding toward the tree in front of the house. The paper hung on the branch like some sort of decoration.

“I did it!” Phil exclaimed happily.

“Well done, Phil.” Dan complimented as he papered the roof.

Phil continued to paper the tree until his roll had no more.

He grabbed another roll and went along with the windows.

They went through the eight rolls laughing and having the most fun they ever had.

And when the toilet paper hung like streamers on the tree and house-

“Hey! Boys!” A masculine voice called.

They took off running the fastest the ever went, giddy from their revenge.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh my God, I can’t believe we did that.” Phil giggled as they walked into the Howell home as quietly as they could.

“I know.” Dan whispered, his smile audible.

They were standing in the dark hallway, their faces inches apart. Phil tried to lean in closer…

The lights flickered on. Darcy was there, looking cross. Dan and Phil jumped apart.

“Where have you been? It’s twelve!” She exclaimed angrily.

The boys widened their eyes, genuinely surprised. They hadn’t kept track of time.

“We’re sorry, mum, we didn’t really mind time…”

“You better be sorry.” Darcy grumbled. “Look, I’m exhausted. We’ll talk about this in the morning, okay?”

She walked into the bathroom in the foyer. They decided it would be best if they went to bed.

“Goodnight.” Dan said to Phil when they were outside Dan’s room.

They were both too shy to try and initiate a kiss again.

“Goodnight.” 


	6. Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This video doesn't really focus on phan bUT SWEET JESUS ON A MOTORCYCLE: https://youtu.be/aLkHpbMVmBU
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments! A nice little user talked about tagging ourselves. So tag yourself as any character in this particular chapter! Btw, I checked my statistics aND FOURTEEN PEOPLE ARE SUBSCRIBED TO THIS FIC. Is that a big number to you? I don't know, but it is to me! (literally 0.25 subscribers would be HUGE for me). I'm just really surprised people like what I'm writing. I want to say thank you to all the people who read fanfictions, you are just as important as us writers!
> 
> Soppiness aside, here's the new chapter. Dan is awkward af and there's, as always, fluff. I love fluff.
> 
> Enjoy!

Thankfully, Darcy didn’t punish them too much. No one ever went out on Sundays, anyway.

Dan woke up on Monday, ready for another grueling day at school. He found out he still had time to kill before getting ready, so he decided he would bother Phil.

“Wake up, your morning coffee needs you!” Dan shouted as he burst into Phil’s room. He had developed a habit of _not knocking_ just a few days ago.

Phil groaned from his bed, looking sick as he hid beneath his sheets.

“Phil, wake up!” Dan exclaimed as he sat down on Phil’s bed.

“I don’t want to.” Came Phil’s hoarse and muffled voice from under his comforter.

“Why not?”

Phil’s head peeked out.

“I’m sick. Feel me.”

“Gladly.” Dan chuckled as he placed his hand on Phil’s forehead. It was burning. “Jesus! You’re hot!”

Phil smirked. “I know.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Mum!” He shouted. Phil winced at the loudness. “Sorry.”

“What is it?” Darcy came in a few seconds later, still in her pajamas.

“Phil’s got a fever.” Dan told her.

“Prove it.” Dan heard her mutter before she sat down on the bed to place her hand on Phil’s forehead.

“Bloody hell.” She murmured. “What are your symptoms?”

Phil coughed. “Just a headache, some cough, and I feel like I’m in an baking oven that’s also really cold.”

“Yep. A fever. Shame, really, Christine’s lucid today and you were supposed to visit her!”

“I know.” Phil sighed. “This sucks.”

“I’m sorry, Phil, but you’re not in the condition to get out of bed, let alone go to school.” Darcy said, standing up to leave.

“I know.” Phil repeated, sadder this time.

When Darcy left, Dan placed his hand on Phil’s.

“I’ll visit her for you.” He offered.

Phil smiled. “Really? Because, to be honest, you’re kind of awkward with people you’ve never met.”

“Yeah, but I want to meet your mum.”

Phil giggled. “A ‘meet-the-parents’ without the child of the parents.”

Dan blushed and punched Phil lightly on the shoulder.

“Shut up.”

 

* * *

 

Darcy and Phil both agreed.

After school, Darcy picked up Dan (for once), and they made their way to the hospital.

From what Dan heard from Phil, Christine Lester was a kind woman who never failed to make the people around her happy.

Dan hoped that this would be the case for him.

“Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want to do to me.” Darcy reminded him as they stood in front of the Christine’s hospital room.

“I’m not stupid, mum.” Dan rolled his eyes, but he found that little piece of advice very helpful.

“Don’t shake, Dan, I’m going to be with you the whole time.”

Part of the reason Dan was nervous was because he was generally shy around sick people. Not ‘oh my I have a cold sick’, but ‘I might die’ sick. This made Dan feel bad about himself because _he_ wasn’t the one with the illness.

“Good afternoon, Christine!” Darcy chirped as they walked in.

“Hello.” Said Christine, her blonde locks in a neat bun, and her glasses were on as she read a book.

“This is my son, Dan. Thought we’d pop in for a bit.”

It was clear from Christine’s expression that Darcy had ‘popped in for a bit’ before.

“No meds?” Christine asked her doctor.

“No meds.” Her doctor affirmed.

“ _Wonderful_. How’s Phil? I thought he was visiting.”

“Phil’s got the common fever.” Dan answered as he sat down on a chair next to her bed.

She frowned and opened her mouth to say something, but Darcy cut her off.

“No worries, Christie, we’ll find time to see you again this week. Possibly with Martyn and Cornelia, too.”

“How are you with Phil?” Christine asked Dan.

“Oh, we’re friends. We’re pretty close.” He answered, thinking about the night of cuddling.

“Yes, _very close_.” Darcy agreed. Dan swore there was a little smirk on her face.

“That’s great.” Christine smiled, not seeming to have noticed Darcy’s suggestive tone.

“And how are you?” Dan asked awkwardly.

“You’re sweet for asking. Today’s less excruciating than the others. A friend of my brought cake today.” She gestured to the chocolate cake on the dining table. “It’s Phil’s favorite. Would you like some?”

“Yeah, sure.” Truth was, Dan didn’t want cake. But because he was so awkward with these sorts of situations he went along with it and grabbed a thin slice. It was good, just enough to relax him a bit.

The conversation flowed, Dan still nervous but keeping himself calm as Darcy helped alleviate the entertainment in their small talk.

“Dan, don’t you go to Croswell Secondary?” Christine queried. He nodded shyly. “What a coincidence! I used to go there, too. Tell me about everything that’s going on in there.”

He decided he would keep the issues about bullying and minor vandalism to himself.

“It’s great there. The teachers are amazing at what they do, although the exams make me want to stab myself sometimes.” Christine chuckled and mouthed ‘same’. “They’ve been adding new clubs this year, I’m part of the books and arts club and the friendliness group…” (He loved the books and arts club, but, truth be told, he had only joined the friendliness group because Louise had forced him into going with her. _I’ve saved your ass more times than Hermione has with Harry and Ron, you owe me,_ she had said.) “We’re planning for the Christmas ball right now, I haven’t got a date so I’m not sure if I can go.”

“Bring Phil.” Darcy suggested sneakily over her full paper plate of cake. Dan willed his cheeks not to color (they disobeyed), but before he could say anything, Christine clapped her hands with excitement.

“That sounds nice! I’m always telling Phil to go out to his school-sanctioned events but he never goes. I think it’d be great if you two went together.”

Dan wanted to die, and he could see his mum was failing to keep a straight face ( _traitor_!).

“Yeah, I guess I could ask him.” He mumbled, looking down at his lap.

“I’m sure he’ll say yes.” Christine said brightly. “Anyway, go on about Croswell.”

Dan nodded, eager to change the subject.

“Um, we have these sports activities which I _hate_ , they’re the worst. I still do them for the grade, though. The books and arts club have started a project where people can give us books in exchange for a tattoo- by _regular pen-_ from our best artists. The books are donated to kids who can’t afford to got to school…” As he rambled on about his club, his hand accidentally grazed a little to roughly on her hand, causing the inserted IV line to rip off.

 _Shit_.

“Ow, oh my God!” Christine exclaimed in pain. Darcy stood up immediately, cursing under her breath as she grabbed some nearby equipment.

“Goddamn it, Nancy didn’t insert it properly.” She muttered as she worked on Christine’s arm.

“I’m sorry!” Dan apologized frantically as Christine winced.

“All is forgiven, Dan.” His mother told him half-heartedly as she took out a large syringe.

He took it as a cue to leave.

 

* * *

 

“You did _what_?”

Dan was sitting in Phil’s bed with the other boy, eating the cake he had managed to take before leaving the hospital.

“I fucked up.” Dan groaned, having just told Phil about the IV line incident.

“Yes, you did.” Phil told him, a plate of cake on his lap. “Quite horribly, I might add.”

“I know!” Dan said miserably, covering his face with his hands. “Can you kill me?”

Phil smiled, and it was not from the cake he was eating. (Okay, maybe a _little._ )

“Cheer up, Danny, mum is quick to forgive.”

“Okay, first of all, your mum probably hates me. Did you see how much pain she was in? And second of all, don’t call me Danny.”

“Why not? You call me Philly all the” time.”

“Because it suits you, Philly.” Dan said with a slight smirk.

Phil rolled his eyes. “Whatever, _Danny_. Anyway, what did you talk about _before_ the fatal incident?”

Dan ignored the ‘fatal incident’ part.

“We mostly talked about my school, because she used to go there. Oh, and-” Dan blushed. “We also had a little chat about who I might be bringing for my school’s Snow Ball.”

Phil nodded, spooning a piece of cake into his mouth. “You should seriously go, date or not. It’s your last snow ball!”

“Mum said I should bring you.” Dan coughed, not looking at Phil. “I mean- if you want to. As friends, of course.”

“I’d love to.”

Dan looked up, surprised.

“Really? Even after I almost killed your mother?” He was being completely serious.

“Mate, I am a bit pissed at what you did, but you aren’t capable of _killing her_ just by doing that! Your mum is a great doctor. I’m one hundred percent sure Darcy patched mum up in a second.”

Dan sighed. “You’re right. Sorry, again. I wish I could apologize to Christine properly.”

“You will, and she’ll forgive you. Thank you for visiting her.”

“No problem.”

For the second time, their faces were inches apart, their breathing slow as both their minds buzzed silently on what to do.

Dan leaned in, thinking there _surely_ wasn’t anything to interrupt them now.

He was wrong.

“Dan?” Chris’s voice drifted from downstairs. The two boys jumped apart, their faces flushed.

“I thought we were hanging out!” Louise called. “PJ, Chris and I have Chinese food!”

“ _Fuck_.” Dan whispered. He had forgotten about his agreement with his friends. “I was supposed to have dinner with them tonight. Want to join us?” Dan offered, thinking they would never get time for a first kiss.

Phil nodded. “Definitely.”

Once again, the mood was ruined, and Dan and Phil made their way downstairs.


	7. Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are going to like this one ;)

“Martyn, calm down.”

“You can’t tell me to calm down, you bloody idiot!”

“It’s just icing! We can fix it. There’s some pre-made icing in the fridge, if you want.”

“Mum will know the difference between the buttercream and your tasteless store-brought icing.”

“Both icings are the same color, Mari. Would you want mum to receive a cake with no icing? No! Now get that freaking icing and slather it on the cake so we can leave!”

“Ugh, fine.”

Phil smiled at his older brother, who had made a magnificent carrot cake for Christine. Somehow, the cake’s icing had shifted, leaving a mess of buttercream and orange sprinkles. Now, Martyn was in the kitchen of the Howell home, trying not to freak out as he smoothed dollops of _Kelly’s Kream_ over his creation _._

Cornelia, Dan, and Darcy were all waiting impatiently in the living room. They all had plans to visit Christine before she got her next round of chemotherapy the next day.

“Martyn! Phil!” Cornelia called from the other room. “We haven’t got all evening!”

“Baking is a form of art that cannot be rushed!” Martyn shouted back as he threw on some sprinkles for good measure.

Phil rolled his eyes and left the kitchen.

“I think you’re brother’s having a panic attack.” Dan stated when he entered the living room. Darcy and Phil laughed while Cornelia continued to bark at her boyfriend.

Martyn came in a few minutes later, holding the cake in a box, drenched in sweat and as red as his girlfriend’s hair. Cornelia put a comforting arm around him.

“Come along, we’ve got to visit mum. Now, are you sure those droplets of sweat haven’t found their way into your cake?”

Martyn wiped his forehead with his sleeve. “Mostly sure.”

Cornelia smiled. “Oh, well, that’s good enough.”

“Come along, everyone.” Darcy said as she made her way to the front door. “She isn’t going to sleep late tonight.”

They all nodded and followed her. Dan took Phil’s hand.

“Do you think she’ll be pissed at me?” He whispered in Phil’s ear.

Phil shook her head. “No. It’ll be slightly awkward, but other than that, you’ll be fine.”

That wasn’t exactly helpful, but Dan said nothing.

Phil was still thinking about their last ‘almost-first-kiss’. Though it had been fun hanging out with PJ, Chris and Louise, he had been slightly annoyed with the fact their lips had been so close, only to be interrupted _yet again_. They had so many times to do it, but they chose the worst moments to do so.

Phil decided he’d shake it off for the night. He was going to visit his mum and he wasn’t going to leave if she vomited her lunch.

(He was also going to make sure Dan’s hand was _nowhere_ _near_ the IV machine.)

 

* * *

 

 

The ride was uneventful. Cornelia and Martyn rode off in their own car, while Darcy drove with Dan and Phil. She was on her phone with a nurse (probably Nancy), and she was angry. The boys sat in the back uncomfortably as Darcy screamed into her phone.

Thankfully, the hospital was only a short drive away, so they didn’t have to bear with the phone call for too long.

Darcy had calmed down by the time they arrived at Christine’s room.

“Surprise!” Phil exclaimed as they all burst into the room, despite his mum knowing good and well that they were going to come over.

“Hello, mum!” Cornelia walked up to her, kissing her on the cheek.

“I brought cake!” Martyn announced as he placed his dessert on the table.

Phil hugged her, but not as tightly as he usually did, as she was frail at the moment.

“How are you?” He asked her when they pulled away.

“Wonderfully wonderful.” She answered, beaming like the sun.

“Hi.” Dan greeted awkwardly, his hand back in Phil’s for support. “I’m so sorry about last time.”

Christine smiled, waving it off. “No worries, dear. If anything it was the nurse’s fault.”

“It’s true, Dan.” Darcy spoke up when Dan still looked guilty. “Nancy Feldman was never the sharpest syringe in the medical kit.”

Phil smiled at the metaphor and whispered something in Dan’s ear. “Let it go. Everything’s okay.”

Dan nodded, obeying Phil’s instructions.

“What happened?” Martyn questioned from the dining table, looking confused as he and Cornelia cut slices of the cake.

Dan sighed and retold the story to them. They all had a good laugh before a nurse popped in.

“Miss Lester? You have another visitor.”

Phil was puzzled until his mum grinned.

“Oh! Lovely! Henry said he’d come by. I thought he meant next week. Let him in, Jill.”

Jill nodded and proceeded to tell the visitor. Phil was more than fine with the addition. Henry Lawton and Christine Lester had been best friends since they were children, and Phil had always thought that the friendly man was more of a father figure than his actual dad.

But the person who stepped was not Henry but another man, a man who was tall and intimidating, his black eyes mean and bushy eyebrows furrowed. He wore a fancy suit you’d wear to the Oscars, and Phil felt his insides bubble with anger. He saw that Cornelia and Martyn were also livid.

Christine’s look of elation turned into absolute fury, and that’s when the air in the room became colder and tenser.

“Hello, Christine.” Phil’s father greeted, his voice a stab through the silence. “I thought I’d check on you.”

“You don’t need to check on me, Jonathan.” Her tone was so icy and strong you’d think she wasn’t sick at all.

“But I wanted to.” He shrugged, and Phil felt like grabbing one of the nearby syringes so he had something to stab Jonathan with.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Phil found himself saying. He was shaking slightly, and was grateful he was close to Dan.

Jonathan scoffed. “I expected a better greeting from my son.”

Phil’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not your son. And you’re not my dad.”

Jonathan gave him a look that was almost patronizing. “Really? Because last time I checked-”

“Last time _I_ checked, you were a dick to all of us, _mum especially_ , and rode off into the sunset with your barely-of-age prostitutes!” Phil nearly shouted.

“You can understand why we don’t want to be your sons!” Martyn added, holding up the knife in his hand.

“ _Leave_.” Christine demanded. “ _Leave_ us alone.”

Quiet dropped between all of them. Phil tightened his grip on Dan’s hand. Dan didn’t seem to mind and brought him closer.

“No.” Jonathan answered, the single word somehow bringing more tension into the room.

“What do you mean ‘no’?” Cornelia screeched, ready to fight. “You don’t deserve to be here!”

Jonathan glared at her. “You’re not in this family, you silly little b-”

“She’s more family to us than _you_ will ever be!” Martyn interrupted, speaking the truth and defending his girlfriend at the same time.

“Blood is thicker than water.” Jonathan stupidly reminded.

Irritation flickered in Phil. “ _You_ are thicker than water. Accept the goddamn fact we hate you and that we want you to leave.”

 _You’re doing great_ , Dan mouthed to him. Phil’s shaking lessened and his grip loosened.

“Mister Camwell,” Darcy asserted, her voice stern. “It’s best you leave right now. If you really wanted what was best for Christine, you’d get the fuck out of here.”

An audience clapped loudly in Phil’s mind. He loved Darcy.

Jonathan’s expression turned bitter. He looked at Dan and Phil with disgust.

“You’re a faggot, Phil. Always have been. I see the way you’re holding hands.”

Phil continued to scowl at him, forcing his tears back into his head, praying he wouldn’t cry in front of Jonathan. He was relieved when Dan didn’t let go of him.

Before anything else happened, a slice of cake was thrown across the room, landing precisely on Jonathan’s face with a _SPLAT_.

“That’s the part with no buttercream.” Martyn, the thrower, said with malice. “ _It’s store-bought icing._ Now leave.”

“I hate you all.” Jonathan declared before turning his back on them.

“Likewise!” Dan called as he left.

The silence in the room was unbearable after that. Phil bit his lip, feeling hot tears streaming down his eyes. Dan wiped them away with a handkerchief without a word.

Finally, Christine sighed.

“Someone get me a slice of that cake. With the buttercream.”

And as the tension in the room slowly fizzled out, Phil wished it had been Henry Lawton who had visited instead.

 

* * *

 

 

They all left around nine when Darcy said Christine needed to rest before the chemotherapy the next morning. They all pronounced their _goodbyes_ and _good lucks_ and departed.

Aside from Jonathan’s little pop-up, the visit had gone great. They all shared cake and talked about their lives, playing with the idea that they might go on vacation together someday.

“Are you guys hungry?” Darcy asked them when they were in the car ride home.

Phil realized he was starving. Sure, he had the cake, but only half of Dan’s two slices and nothing else.

“Yeah. There’s nothing at home-”

“So let’s go out somewhere.”

Dan and Phil blushed. They were finishing each other’s sentences more often. Darcy didn’t comment on it, but Phil noticed her tiny smirk in the rearview mirror.

“I agree. I haven’t gone out in awhile. How about the diner?”

Dan jumped in excitement. Phil smiled at his cuteness.

Darcy laughed. “Jim’s Seaside Diner, then.”

 

* * *

 

The diner was so American, Phil almost lost his British accent.

They were the only customers as they sat in a booth by the window, staring at the dull sea outside. Something about its dreariness was peaceful, in a way.

“So, tell me why this diner is so special to you guys.” Said Phil. Darcy and Dan had been anticipating it so much, sharing inside jokes about it.

Darcy smiled. “Sorry, we didn’t tell you.”

Dan, who was seated next to Phil, broke out of his trance from the sea. “Dad used to work here. In fact, he co-owns this place. He started it with his best friend before he realized he wanted to fly airplanes and went to pilot school. When he graduated and got his dream job, he continued to help support the diner. It doesn’t look like it right now, but it’s really popular.”

That was true. He recalled everyone talking about how it was a great place to ‘hang’. Phil had gone here a few times with his friends, and during all occasions the diner was packed.

The waitress put down the plates of food on the table.

“I can’t believe you ordered pancakes.” Dan looked at Phil with amusement.

“Pancake time is all the time.” Phil told him as he drizzled syrup over the two, fluffy cakes.

Dan rolled his eyes and smiled before focusing on his burger.

“Are you guys ready for the Snow Ball?” Darcy asked them.

Dan and Phil blushed. They hadn’t been talking about it at all.

Phil nodded, looking at his pancakes as he didn’t want Darcy to see his pink cheeks.

“I’ll buy you matching suits, if you want.” She offered, raising her brows in a suggestive manner.

“Mum…” Dan groaned, exasperated.

“What is it?” She asked.

Dan sighed. “Matching suits sound nice.”

Darcy grinned. “It’s settled, then.”

Phil did not expect the conversation to go that way, but he had to admit, matching suits _did_ sound nice.

 

* * *

 

When they all arrived home at eleven, they expected the night would end by then

They were wrong.

A car was parked in front of the house. In the car sat a man who looked like he had been waiting for them for a while.

“Oh my God, that’s Landon.” Darcy gasped when they exited their own car.

“Who’s Landon?” Phil quietly asked Dan, who also looked surprised.

“Landon Kent. He works in the same airline as my dad. He’s a family friend. Whenever he comes over it means that he has news for us.”

“Is this news usually good?”

“Yeah, mostly.”

“Hello, Howells.” He greeted them with a smile. “Let’s go inside, shall we?”

Darcy nodded and they stepped out of the cold and into the warm house.

They all settled into the living room. The sad expression on Landon’s face was not ignored.

“What’s the update, Landon?” Dan asked him, anxiety creeping up in his tone. Phil noticed this and intertwined their fingers together.

Landon sighed.

“This morning, James had a flight from Scotland to New York. Now, there was something wrong with the plane he was flying. The engine was a bit… problematic. No one knew. The flight went on smoothly… but the landing in New York did not.”

Darcy sucked in her breath, her eyes wide and foot tapping. Phil felt uneasy, hoping James had only suffered a minor injury, and by the looks of it, Dan was thinking the same thing.

“James and Frederick did their best. The injuries weren’t fatal… and only one life was taken.”

He paused as he bit his lip.

“Landon?” Darcy said, her eyes brimming.

“Yeah?” He looked up, his voice cracking just a bit.

“It was James, wasn’t it?”

Landon let out a cry, his hands covering his face.

“I’m sorry,” was all he said.

They all took that as a _yes_.

“Thank you for telling us.” Darcy choked through her sobs.

“No problem.” Landon sniffled.

“Stay in the guestroom. It’s getting late.”

Landon nodded.

“We have things to talk about. Dan, Phil, go to bed.” Darcy told the boys.

Dan, whose face was covered in tears, shook his head. “No! He’s my dad, too!”

“Don’t make things harder. Go to bed.”

Phil sighed. He, too, was crying. Not as much as Darcy and Dan, but his eyes still held tears.

“Come on, Dan.”

Dan obeyed, following Phil upstairs.

They got into their pajamas (in _separate_ rooms) before they made themselves comfortable in Phil’s bed.

Phil didn’t say anything to comfort Dan, knowing it was unnecessary and only make things worse. Instead, he held him in an embrace, letting him cry as much as he wanted.

And, unbeknownst to Phil, it was the only comfort Dan wanted.


	8. Remembrance

_“Where is our home?”_

_“On this beach, dad.”_

_“That’s not entirely incorrect.”_

* * *

 

Dan sat on Payton beach, his feet sinking in the sand as he stared at the sea.

He had gotten no sleep, and yet he was wide-awake. He had crawled out Phil’s arms at six to head for the beach, the place where his memories of his father were the strongest.  
He could hear the laughter, the stories, and the times when Dan couldn’t even _imagine_ what was going on at the moment.

He looked at the rising sun, recalling bonfires and sandcastles and parties and swimming and, most importantly, the happiness.

He felt a soft coat drop on his shoulders. Phil was here.

“Aren’t you cold?” Phil asked him as he sat down on the sand.

“Temperature isn’t exactly my main priority right now.”

It was true. So what if he got hypothermia? It wouldn’t change the fact that his dad was dead and gone.

“Please?” Phil pleaded.

Dan sighed. “Okay.”

He had to admit, the coat was nice. The warmth and softness it provided was comforting on his previously freezing skin. It smelled of Phil, like lemon and fabric softener.

“I’m so sorry.” Phil whispered.

Dan nodded, knowing good and well if he spoke, he would break down. An eerie silence fell upon them, no sounds except the waves crashing gently on the shore.

“Life sucks.” Dan muttered, watching the water go up and down.

Phil nodded. “I agree.”

“Who doesn’t?”

Quiet again.

 

* * *

 

_“I hate silence.”_

_“What’s wrong with it?”_

_“I don’t know. I like everything to be filled with noise.”_

_“That’s why you’re the life of the party, Dan. The life of our party.”_

 

* * *

 

Dan bit his lip, tears forming in his eyes. Phil noticed this and put an arm around his friend.

“Sorry is so meaningless right now.” Phil murmured in Dan’s ear. Dan realized he had said that to Phil the day they first met.

Through his crying, Dan was able to choke something out.

“I know.”

 

* * *

 

_“I lost one of my favorite toys today.”_

_“Oh, Dan, I’m sorry.”_

_“Everyone’s sorry. What does that mean?”_

* * *

Dan stopped crying, his head resting on Phil’s shoulder.

“Phil.” He said, voice hoarse from sobbing.

“Yeah?” Phil replied, his hand in Dan’s curly locks.

“Remember the first time we went here?”

“Of course.”

“And we were talking about Jake and how long we were worth?”

“Yeah…” Phil’s voice was filled with nervousness.

“I heard you say ‘you’re worth forever’.”

Dan looked up to see Phil blushing.

“I was hoping you hadn’t heard that.”

“I did.”

They leaned in, no interruptions this time.

Their lips locked softly as the sun rose.

 

* * *

 

 

_“You’ll find love someday.”_

_“But you and mum say ‘I love you’ to me all the time.”_

_“I’m talking about a different kind of love. It’s really special. It’s where your life changes. It’s where you start to believe life is more than just breathing. And you’re going to find it.”_

_“I still don’t get it.”_

_“You will. Just wait.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reasons why I didn't update:  
> 1\. Semester break ended and school started (ugh)  
> 2\. I wanted to torture you guys  
> But not to worry, for I am back with a slightly depressing chapter. Hope you guys like funerals

“Are you ready?”

“No.”

They stood in front of the full-sized mirror in Phil’s room.

The bags under Dan’s eyes were growing, just like the pain in his chest.

It was a week after the night they had received the news of James’s death. Seven days of exams and crying and emotion.

“Come on.” Phil whispered in his ear.

Dan sighed and nodded. They made their way downstairs, where they found Darcy. She even more exhausted than Dan, what with her planning the funeral. Not even thick layers of expensive makeup could hide the sleepy sadness on her face.

“Shall we get going?” Darcy muttered.

“Yeah.” Phil replied, noticing the heavy changes in the two Howells. Darcy’s sharp, caramel-colored eyes were as lifeless as her husband. Though she had bought a fancy dress for the occasion, she lacked the usual sophistication she held so easily. She seemed to have more wrinkles than she should have.

Meanwhile the boisterousness in Dan’s laugh was gone. His desire to straighten his hair all the time disappeared, leaving a mess of wild, brown curls on his head. His lips were cracked, there were shadows under his eyes and his muscles were always tense.

Phil hated seeing them like this. When he had met them, they were a mother and son with a shared love of success and being finger-snapping sassy, more than happy to welcome sad and hopeless Phil into their home with comforting arms.

They all sat in the car, Darcy driving in front, the two boys in the back. Phil saw a single tear drop from Dan’s eye.

 _They don’t deserve this_ , Phil thought as he wiped the tear away.

 

* * *

 

 

The weather was more relenting. It was less cold out, the sun slightly peeking out the gray clouds of doom. It was still depressingly chilly, but not so much that it literally froze bodies like it normally did.

Cold hand in cold hand, Dan and Phil walked through the cemetery in silence, looking at the graves with a million thoughts buzzing in both their heads.

Phil thought about the people in the graves. Their loved ones had once been here to say their own final goodbyes. He thought about every tear that had drowned into the grass beneath his feet. He thought about the people like Darcy and Dan, the people who were crying too much but also not quite enough.

Guessing from the number of people at the funeral, James Howell had been a wonderful man. Phil wished he could have met Dan’s father.

PJ Ligouri, Louise Pentland and Chris Kendall sat in the seats at the back. When they spotted the two boys, they got up immediately and approached them.

They said nothing, engulfing Dan in a hug.

“How is he?” PJ murmured to Phil when the embrace ended.

“He’s devastated, obviously.”

PJ rolled his eyes. “No, I mean like how is he acting? Is he getting eight glasses of water a day or what?”

“Oh, sorry. He isn’t sleeping enough. Food is a minor concern for him, if not at all. I worry about him more than I used to.”

Louise sighed, watching Dan make his way to Darcy, who was at the coffin.

“I hate this. I hate that they have to deal with this.” Louise said, speaking for everyone. “What about you, Phil?”

Phil shrugged. He didn’t really have time to think about himself.

“I’m alright, except for my anger. I _still_ don’t know why this happening. If there is a God out there, he sucks.” He mumbled.

Chris nodded. “School isn’t helping, either. This teacher we have scolded him for not paying attention when he was thinking about this whole crazy thing. She knew good and well about Mr. Howell. I’ve always hated her, with that stick up her ass.”

It helped. The grim air around them lifted a bit, and everyone smiled.

“That was nice.” Phil told Chris, grateful for the statement. Normally it would have been chuckled at and then quickly forgotten, but considering the circumstances, it was one of the best things Phil had heard since last Saturday.

“Glad I could amuse you all.” Chris said before the small grin on his face disappeared.

“You never fail to do that.” PJ muttered. Phil was the only one who heard him, and he decided he wouldn’t comment on it.

“Guys, thanks for coming. It means a lot.” Phil’s eyes averted to the Howells at the seats in front, and then turned back to his friends. “I’ll go and wipe some of his tears away or something. Talk to you later.”

“Talk to you later.” Louise replied half-heartedly as he walked away.

A seat was empty next to Dan, so Phil took it.

“Reserved for you.” Dan said, almost incoherent as he stared at the coffin in front of him.

“Thanks.” Phil spotted a picture of James Howell that made him jump slightly.

James was a bit buffer than his son and his features were sharper. He had glasses and his skin was darker, but other than that they were literally identical. They shared the same brown dark brown locks that fell in a fringe, the same mesmerizing pools of chocolate for eyes, and the same cheeky smile that Phil had grown to adore.

“You look like him.” Phil said to Dan.

“I get that a lot. People say I’m more like my mum, though.”

“So… you’re basically Harry Potter.”

Dan laughed. Though it didn’t have the same joy that it used to hold and it was a bit breathy, Phil knew it was sincere. He loved that little laugh, the speckle of happiness amongst the misery. It was an accurate depiction of their relationship.

“Please rise.”

The priest was at the altar. Everyone stood, and the funeral started.

Father Frederick spoke nothing meaningful. Phil hated it, and he even saw the glares Darcy shot at him and the way Dan had grounded his teeth.

A few people who had been close to James got up and said a few words, including, obviously, Darcy.

“Thirty-two years ago I sat in a bus stop, rain pouring like mad as I tried to protect the newly-bought book in my hands.” She said, staring off into the distance like she was trying to relive it. “Sitting next to me was a man named James Dean Howell. He looked at me, clearly nervous. He said ‘so…you like books. I like books’.” She laughed along with everyone, tears in her eyes. “Since he said those words, it’s been the best twenty-two years of my life I’ve had. I wish I could do it all again, experience the memories I hold so dearly one more time. Perhaps a hundred more times.”

Her speech was the most emotional. Before she stepped back to her seat, she looked right at Dan.

“Dan, please come up and say something.”

He froze, looking frightened.

 _You can do it_ , Phil mouthed. Dan sighed and gave the other boy’s hand a squeeze before standing up in front.

“Hello.” He waved shyly. “I’m glad you all came. Dad would have appreciated it.”

He paused, the audience waiting patiently for the rest of his words.

“To tell the truth, I didn’t spend time with my dad that much. I think he was away more often than not. But when he did see us, it was wonderful. I heard the words _dad_ or _James_ and what comes to mind is campfires and beaches and laughing for hours and lessons I can’t learn at school. Most of these memories are from my childhood. When I was seven, dad would come home later than usual. Mum thought he was cheating on her. She confronted him and he confessed that there was a cat at his work that hung around for food and games. Mum didn’t expect that and we took the cat in. The cat died a year later and we had a funeral for her that was as formal as this one. This story is basically a description of my father. He was funny, smart, kind and the best dad I could hope for. And now, I stand here, his dead body right behind me- I still can’t accept that, by the way. Sad is an understatement. If there was a color darker than black, I would be _that_ color. I can’t put it into words, so I’ll just turn to this picture of my dad,” he did so, looking at the picture Phil had analyzed earlier. “And say goodbye. Dad, you taught me things that are reasons I am alive, gave me love I can only get from you, and I hope that if there is an afterlife, you have been given a luxurious place to stay in, waiting patiently for us to join you. Goodbye, I’m going to miss you like hell.”

Everyone clapped. Phil dabbed at a tear in his eye. As Dan sat down, he noticed the new tears streaming down the brunet’s face.

Keeping his promise, Phil wiped them away.

“You did good.” He told him

Dan nodded as the funeral went on.

 

* * *

 

 

“He would’ve liked you.”

They were strolling around the cemetery, hands twined. The service had ended. They had said their final goodbyes. Most of the attendees were gone, including PJ, Louise, and Chris, who had all wished Dan luck and proclaimed a big thanks to Phil.

“Your dad?” Phil asked, though he already knew.

Dan nodded. “Yeah. You guys would have gotten along, telling weird puns while mum and I face-palmed in the corner.”

Phil thought about that. He wondered how things would have gone had they met normally. No cancer, no death, nothing depressing.

He looked at Dan and kissed him next to the grave of Mallory Lauren Greene.

“What was that for?” Dan whispered softly when they pulled apart.

Phil shrugged. “I like you.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Like that wasn’t already obvious.”

“You’re the same.”

Dan smiled, his eyes still red and puffy from crying so much.

“You’re my silver lining.” He said.

Phil was confused. “What?”

“You know the saying. ‘Every cloud has a silver lining’.”

“It feels as though we’re in a black cloud that’s hemorrhaging rain, sleet, snow, hail and thunder at the same time.”

“It’s still a cloud. Therefore, it has a silver lining.”

“You’re awfully optimistic for a person whose dad just died.”

“Yes, but dad was also painfully positive, so I will be painfully positive.”

“Fine. You’re my silver lining, too.”

“Maybe silver lining will be our always.”

“Shut up, John Green.”

 And although it was one of the cheesiest things he had ever heard, Phil knew it was true.

_Dan Howell was his silver lining, and it was the best silver lining he had ever received._

 

 

 

 


	10. Ring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what this chapter is. I wrote it at like, midnight, and I didn't bother to rewrite. This is pretty short since I'm lazy af.

_Christmas break._

Dan loved hearing those two words together. After a hectic two weeks that felt like a million years, he was ready to kick back as nicely as he could.

He woke on the first day of break. Though he was at ease, he couldn’t help but feel he was forgetting something important.

He noticed the emptiness in his bed. Phil must have gone to the kitchen to make breakfast.

Before Dan could get up make his way downstairs, however, his bedroom door swung open, revealing Phil holding a tray filled with food.

“Morning.” He greeted happily, settling down on the bed.

“Hi.” Dan replied, sitting up. On the tray were scrambled eggs, toast, bacon, a fruit salad, and a cup of coffee. “Thanks.”

“How are you feeling?” Phil asked gently as Dan stared at the piece of toast he had just picked up.

“Slightly better. I might have a bit of an appetite.”

“Good, because it took me forever to make that.” Phil said as he pointed to the small bowl of fruit salad.

Dan piled some eggs on the toast he was holding and bit it. It tasted great, the bread warm and eggs a little salty.

Phil chewed into a strip of bacon. “Are you excited?”

Dan raised his brows. “Excited for what?”

“The snow ball. It’s tonight.”

 _That_ ’s what he forgot.

Dan groaned and massaged his forehead. “Shit. It may have slipped from my memory.”

Phil nodded, smiling. “That’s understandable. Do you still want to go?”

Dan sighed. “I hate my life.”

Phil shrugged. “If you don’t want to go, then-”

Dan cut him off, waving a piece of toast in the air. “No, we’re going. Those matching suits were _fucking_ expensive. And I can’t avoid my friends forever.”

Phil raised his brows. “You’re avoiding the super squad?”

Dan’s mouth twitched. Phil’s referring to their little friend group as the ‘super squad’ was quite adorable.

“Since… the _loss_ ,” He hated calling it ‘my dad’s death’. _Loss_ was less depressing, in a way. “I’ve been icing myself from them because…” He trailed off, looking down at his fruit salad.

“Because what?”

Dan exhaled. “Because I don’t want to deal with their pity and patronizing. I’d much rather grieve without someone saying ‘oh, Dan, would you like an embrace?’ It’s kind of annoying.”

“But I say ‘hey Dan want to cuddle and snog’ all the time and you pounce on me.”

Dan’s cheeks burned. “That’s different. You’re my, um, _boyfriend_.”

He noticed Phil was also blushing. He took comfort and embarrassment to that.

Phil cleared his throat. “We…we never made it official, did we?”

Dan shook his head shyly, wishing the pink coloration on his face would just _go away._

“We didn’t.” Dan answered, his voice almost a whisper.

“Then we’ll make it official.”

He stood up and scourged the drawers of Dan’s nightstand.

“Phil?” The blue-eyed boy didn’t answer until he took out a plastic black ring that had skulls painted on it. Dan rolled his eyes when he saw the ring, remembering he had a phase when he was fourteen where he wanted to be ‘punk’, so he bought the ring at a toy store (toy stores aren’t fucking punk).

Phil sat back down in front of Dan, presenting the ring like he was proposing (because he _was_ proposing, obviously).

“Daniel James Howell, will you be my boyfriend?”

Dan felt like looking into a camera like it was _The Office._

“Jesus Christ, you’re a dork.” Dan muttered under his breath with disbelief and slight amusement.

“It’s a yes or no question.” Phil said, the cheekiest smile on his face.

Dan sighed. “Yeah, slip it in.”

Phil chuckled. “I feel as though you’ll say that again sometime in the- near, I hope- future.”

Dan gasped in mock horror. “Oh, Philip!” He exclaimed in the tone of a white, suburban mother. “What a _dirty_ thing to say!”

“Not as dirty as the things you say, Mr. Howell.”

Dan dropped the Catholic mum act. “Touché. Now, slip it in.”

Phil smirked. “Gladly!”

He placed the ring on Dan’s finger.

“We’re boyfriends now!” Dan exclaimed, as if announcing an engagement. “Shall we plan our first date?”

Phil frowned. “Are you saying the first night we met, the night we had the Smorgasbord, wasn’t a date?”

“Silly Philly. Have you been planning to date me since day one?”

Phil nodded, pretending to be devastated. “Yes, actually. My dreams that night was of you in a wedding dress, my love.”

Dan rolled his eyes, though he couldn’t help but smile. “Oh, shut up. Speaking of dress, are we going to the ball, or not?”

Phil grinned. “We’re going.”

Dan stared at the ring on his finger, twisting it delicately.

“You’re a real ball of cheesiness.” Dan said.

Phil laughed. “Okay, Mr. Silver Lining.”

“Shut up!” Dan punched him, pinking yet again. “I was mourning.”

“Didn’t sound like it.”

“Whatever.” Dan crossed his arms. “You clearly agreed with me.”

Phil’s beam was so bright Dan almost got a tan.

“I can’t tell you I didn’t.”

Dan sighed and closed his arms around his boyfriend and they snuggled into the covers, the forgotten tray of food on the floor.

“Is the plan to stay here all day until we’re forced to get ready for the ball?” Phil whispered.

“Yes.” Dan nodded into Phil’s chest.

“Good.”

Phil planted a soft kiss on Dan’s lip, and then nodded off when they pulled away.

As he rested in Phil’s arms, Dan remembered his father’s words.

 _You’ll find love someday_.

One more thought popped in Dan’s head before he also drifted into sleep.

 _I think I already did_.

 

 

 

 


	11. Angels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm sorry for the long wait. Blame my school, even though it was me procrastinating nonstop

Phil didn’t know what to expect for Christmas.

With his mum in the hospital, getting sick from the things that were supposed to cure her, he was pretty sure the Lester tradition of opening presents on December twenty-four and playing with a 2008 karaoke machine until two in the morning would not be carried out this year.

He guessed there were nice things that came out of the whole situation. There was Louise, PJ and Chris, who were unlike any of his friends before. The Howell residence was nicer than Lesters’, as he had guiltily admitted. And, most importantly, he had a boyfriend who wasn’t a complete asshole (key word: _complete_ ).

So it wasn’t exactly a surprise when Phil woke on December twenty-four, not knowing what to feel. Sad? Excited? Disappointed? Grateful that things could have gone _much_ worse? Perhaps an overwhelming mixture.

The morning was pretty average. Darcy was already gone when Phil finally got out of bed at ten in the morning. Dan had gone through another crying-fest the previous night, so Phil felt obliged to let him stay asleep.

Over the days, Dan’s crying-fests had lessened. It had gone from every night, to most nights, and to where they were now: more not than often, if that phrase was even correct.

When lunch hour fell, Phil decided it was the best time to wake his sleeping boyfriend and maybe go out to eat.

“Dan, come on, it’s lunch.” Phil whispered as he walked into his room. He said this before realizing Dan was already awake.

“What are we going to do about that?” Dan asked without looking up from his computer.

Phil shrugged and sat down on the bed. “I was thinking about going out.”

Dan’s face twisted into a dramatically pained expression.

“My body doesn’t work.”

Phil smirked. “That wasn’t the case yesterday afternoon.”  
Dan blushed. “My body doesn’t work _because_ of yesterday afternoon.”

“My apologies, dear, but I simply don’t care if your limbs are functioning or not. I want to eat out.”

“Get a girlfriend, then.”

Phil laughed. “No thanks, I’m gay.”

Dan stared at him. “Liar. You’re bisexual.”

“Honestly, I don’t know if I like dudes or just you.”

A tiny smile played on Dan’s lips.

“Either way, I’m happy.”

 

* * *

 

The workers of Jim’s Seaside Diner were quite subdued.

Fred, the cook, didn’t seem very excited about making burgers like he used to. Cat, Carrie, and Zoe, the waitresses, didn’t greet them with smiles. Alec, the overzealous manager, didn’t come to their booth to talk about the new things on their menu.

“Maybe the diner wasn’t a good idea.” Dan murmured to Phil as he looked at the few regulars, who were also looking deplorable.

Zoe came to sit with them, their food in her hands.

“One BLT, a plate of onion rings, two chocolate milkshakes, a turkey sandwich, and a depressing bowl of salad that has day-old chicken in it. That’s for me, I’m afraid.”

Phil looked at the salad skeptically. “This doesn’t actually have day-old chicken, right?”

Zoe rolled her eyes as she bit into a piece of tomato. “No, you twat. Don’t you know how miserable we all are?”

“We do.” Dan answered quietly.

Zoe sighed and covered her face with her perfectly manicured hands. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Phil replied, in an attempt to be of comfort.

“James was like a second father to us.” Zoe explained to Phil. “He talked to us on the phone and on Skype just to see how we were handling life.” She turned to Dan. “If we’re like this, I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. How are you?”

Dan shrugged, not responding. Zoe had placed her hand on his. Phil felt too sorry for her to be jealous.

“I wish life wasn’t so sucky.” Phil blurted suddenly. Dan and Zoe nodded. “I wish my mum didn’t have cancer and I wish James didn’t die. I wish we could have started our relationship normally, without everything being so depressing.”

That last part was directed to Dan only. Zoe smiled and took her hand off of Dan’s.

Dan exhaled sharply as his hand found Phil’s.

“Me too.”

“Waitress!” A customer called from behind them. Carrie and Cat were minding their business in the kitchen, so Zoe stood up.

“I hope things will get better.” She handed them a present before walking away. “Merry Christmas, Dan and Phil.”

“Merry Christmas, Zoe.” They said in unison as she went to entertain the customer.

Phil sighed and rested his head on Dan’s shoulder.

“I love you.”

He felt Dan tense up and then relax.

“Really?” Dan chuckled. “The first time we declare our love for each other is going to be the diner?”

“Yeah. It’s not cliché that way.”

“Phil, we’re already cliché. Painstakingly so.”

That was true.

“Are you going to say it back, though?”

“Yeah. Not now, though.”

Phil frowned. “I hate you.”

Dan smiled softly and kissed him on the cheek.

“Love you too.”

 

* * *

 

When they arrived home, Darcy was sitting on the couch.

With Martyn and Cornelia.

“Surprise!” Cornelia exclaimed as she hugged Phil.

“It’s hardly a surprise.” Dan retorted, but Phil knew he was secretly happy to see them.

“Yo, bro.” Martyn greeted as Phil sat on the armchair. “And you, future bro-in-law.” He added when Dan sat with Phil. They both blushed while Darcy and Cornelia laughed.

“It’s nice to see my brother and future sister-in-law.” Phil bit back. He was dismayed when Martyn and Cornelia laughed again.

“Please,” Martyn wheezed through his laughter. “We’ve been planning since we were sixteen.”

“These bloody idiots started dating when they were eighteen.” Phil muttered to Dan, who failed to hide his amusement.

“And that,” Darcy spoke up. “Is one of the things you will tell your mum tonight, Phil.”

Phil widened his eyes, forgetting Martyn and Cornelia.

“We’re visiting mum? Christmas isn’t ruined?”

Cornelia beamed. “Of course!”

“Actually,” Darcy interjected. “Only if she’s feeling good, which I’m ninety percent sure she will.”

Phil decided to believe in the ninety percent.

 

* * *

 

 

At six in the evening, after a day of lounging around the house, they threw some presents into a sack and drove to the hospital.

After much convincing the security guard that they were bringing gifts and not drugs, they made their way up to Christine’s room.

“Merry Christmas!” They all shouted as they all burst into the room.

“Christmas eve.” Christine corrected with a grin as her sons embraced her hello.

“Martyn and Cornelia have been planning their wedding since they were sixteen!” Phil told her.

Martyn smirked. “She won’t believe you.”

“Actually, I’m aware, Martyn. I saw your diary.”

Martyn turned red. “Mum! It was a journal!”

“I told you we should have gotten the ones with the lock and key.” Cornelia growled, glaring at Phil.

Dan and Phil died laughing. In years to come, they would tell everyone who personally knew Martyn about the diaries.

“How are you, Christine?” Dan asked her. She smiled.

“I’m alright, as of now. And how are you? About your dad, I mean.”

“It’s terrible, but I found comfort.” Dan looked at Phil in the corner of his eye.

“You know, Dan, cancer doesn’t stop me from seeing the way you’re looking at Phil.”

Now it was Martyn and Cornelia’s turn to die laughing as Dan and Phil blushed.

They opened their presents. Phil had gotten his mum a book by her favorite author, which she loved. He and Dan had bought matching jumpers for Martyn and Cornelia to ironically wear (though, judging from their reactions, irony was not going to be the reason they would don the jumpers). For Darcy, Phil gave her a beautiful handmade scarf that was previously his. He had received it a year ago and never used it, so he packed it in his bag when he moved in with the Howells as a ‘thank you’ gift.

As for Dan’s present, the only present you care about, Phil had bought a really soft, plain white blanket and painted on it. There was Jake’s house, detailed perfectly, with the toilet paper streamers all around. Tiny versions of them were throwing the rolls in the background.

Dan stared at the blanket, amazed. Phil thought he would say something like ‘this is beautiful’ or ‘I love it’, but reality did not meet his expectations.

“Bloody idiot. I had the same idea.”

Phil raised his brows as Dan threw his present at him. Sure enough, it was a soft black blanket, with the both of them drawn in white at Chris’s party, dancing like wild geese. The only colored things in the picture were the fairy lights hanging above them.

“I’d say both our blankets are beautiful.” Phil announced. They both looked at each other, speaking a hundred with their silent smiles.

“Sorry to ruin the moment,” Darcy said, ruining the moment. “But did you actually toilet paper Jake’s house?”

“Um… no.” Phil lied, unconvincing. “Just a dream we have.”

“That’s a nice dream.” If she could sense their dishonesty, she didn’t show it.

They continued opening gifts. Phil got books from his mum and Darcy, which he deeply appreciated. Martyn and Cornelia got him a locket that already had Dan’s picture in it. Dan got the same locket, but with Phil’s picture in it. Dan’s cheeks had pinked, hiding the skeleton ring from their view.

After presents they ate the food Darcy had brought, laughing, talking, and just enjoying themselves. Phil thanked basically every god he knew that there was no unwanted visitor.

When the food was gone and they were just sitting around, having small talk, Christine turned to her son.

“There’s a vending machine nearby. Get me some chocolate, yeah?”

Phil agreed, since his mum needed something to eat. He knew she had eaten less than half of the food.

He took Dan’s hand and led him out the door. “Come with me.” He whispered.

“Are we going to snog in a broom closet?” Dan asked hopefully when they had exited the room.

“You wish. No, we’re going to buy some chocolate for mum.”

“Translation: you don’t want to snog me.”

“That’s poppycock.”

“Only you would use the word ‘poppycock’.”

Like Christine had said, the vending machine was near. Amidst the healthy choices of glorified pistachios and carrot sticks were a few decent-looking chocolate bars.

“Well, I’ve got the chocolate. Shall we get going?”

Dan didn’t answer. He was engrossed in something else. Phil turned around to see what he was staring at.

Before them was a little girl sitting on the floor. She was in fetal position as she sobbed loudly.

“Talk to her.” Dan said with bated breath to his boyfriend, concern filling his voice and face.

“Why me?”

“Because if I talk to her I’ll end up making her cry even more.”

“There’s a very good chance I will also do that.”

“Then… both of us will talk to her. Couples do everything together.”

“In that case, I should have stayed single.” Phil muttered under his breath as he followed Dan, who was already making his way to sit next to the girl.

“What’s wrong?” Dan asked her after a silent minute of them mouthing ‘YOU GO FIRST’ to each other.

The girl slowly lifted her head, revealing her tiny, tear-painted face.

“I’m lost. Mama is gone.” She whimpered, crying even more.

“We’ll help you.” Phil told her comfortingly.

She sniffled. “You will give back mama?”

Phil felt a painful burst of pity explode within him.

“I’m afraid we can’t give back mama. But we can bring you back to your papa.”

Her eyes narrowed, bottom lip sticking out. “He is not papa! Pappy is his name.”

“Pappy it is, then.”

The girl crossed her arms in disbelief. “I don’t think you can bring me to pappy.”  
Dan smiled. “Oh, we have our ways. We are angels.”

Her eyes widened in amazement. “You are angels?”

Phil laughed. “Yes. But you can’t tell anyone. What’ your name?”

“Lily Dean.”

Dan grinned, pointing at Phil. “I like your name. It rhymes with his. He’s Philly.”

“That’s a lovely name! What’s yours?”

Phil looked at him as if to say _if I’m Philly, you’re Danny._

Dan sighed. “My name is Danny.”

Lily wrinkled her nose. “That’s awful.”

“Yeah,” He agreed, glaring at Phil. “Really awful.”

Phil covered his mouth with his hand, muffling his laughter.

“Well! Shall we go to the receptionist?” He announced as he stood up.

Lily looked confused as she and Dan rose. “What will the receptionist do?”

“The receptionist is another angel.” Dan told her, wondering if she would believe this time. “She is the angel of being lost.”

“But wouldn’t she be lost?”

“She used to be, but now she’s found and she helps other lost people.”

“Whoa. Angels are cool! What are you angels of?”

They were walking now, making their way downstairs, where the receptionist was.

Phil’s smile grew. “We are the angels of love.”

“Love? Do you have girlfriends?”

“Boyfriends, actually.” Dan said, looking straight at Phil.

“Boyfriends? But you’re boys.”

“Boys can love boys and girls can love girls.” Phil said, hoping this wouldn’t disgust her. “We’re angels because we understand this.”

“Girls can love girls!” She exclaimed happily. Then, in a quieter tone, she said, “That makes everything easier.”

“Have you got a girl crush, Lily?” Dan smirked, poking her forehead.

Lily turned the color of a rose. “No!”

“Okay.” Dan chuckled. “We believe you.”

“You don’t sound like you believe me.”

Phil laughed, and then moved to the heavier subject.

“Why did you run away from your pappy?”

Lily wiped a few tears away. “He told me mama was gone and I got upset and I ran. Was that wrong?”

Dan shook his head quickly. “No. You were sad. He is sad, too. He’s probably trying to find you now.”

“You know, Lily, my mama is in the hospital. She’s sick.” Phil said, not faking the sadness in his tone.

Lily gasped. “She is in the bed?”

Phil nodded. “And Danny’s pappy died just a few weeks ago.”

Lily looked horrified. “Poor, poor angels. Why are you not crying?”

“We did cry.” Dan answered. “But we can’t cry all the time. We’re still very sad, yes, but that’s life. My pappy and your mama would want us to be happy.”

Phil patted her head. “I agree, but it’s still okay to cry sometimes. Just don’t let the sadness rule your life.”

Lily nodded. “Thank you. You two really are angels.”

By this time, they were in the lobby. Lily spotted the receptionist and almost fainted.

“Is that the angel?” She asked, almost breathless.

The receptionist, Giselle, giggled. “Yes, I am the angel.”

Dan and Phil laughed.

“Wait here.” Phil told Dan and Lily. “I’ll talk to the angel.”

“You two are great parents.” Giselle said when Lily and Dan couldn’t hear.

Phil felt his cheeks burn. “Dan? No, he’s my boyfriend. Lily was lost and we’re here to find her pa- sorry, _dad_.”

“Lily? Lily Dean?” She asked. Phil nodded. “Oh, she’s precious. Her father came by ten minutes ago, looking for her. I’ll ring him up.”

Sure enough, minutes later a man in his late twenties arrived in the lobby, looking frantic.

“Lily! There you are! Who do I have to thank?”

She pointed to Dan and Phil.

“Those angels, pappy! Danny and Philly!”

The dad smiled and handed each of them a ten-pound note.

“Thank you. I’m pretty sure you _are_ angels, Danny and Philly.”

They watched, with money in their hands, as the dad scooped Lily in a hug.

“Is mama gone?” She asked him, tears forming in her eyes.

“Unfortunately, yes. Please don’t run.”

“I won’t. Ever. Mama wants us to be happy, and I think being happy means sticking together.”

“Yes. Mama wants that.”

Phil turned to Dan, becoming emotional himself.

“If I was in the shoes of Lily, would you be my angel?”

Dan smirked. “Maybe.”

Phil punched him. “How dishonest. You would be my god, if you had to.”

“Why does that sound so wrong?” Dan noticed the thing above them. “Mistletoe.”

Phil smiled and hugged him.

“No kiss. We will hug.”

“That’s not a problem. We have plenty of time to snog at home.”

“ _Limited_ plenty of time. You realize I’m not going to live with you forever?”

“I know. Which is why you should kiss me under this mistletoe now.”

“Fine.”

Phil planted his lips on Dan’s.

“I thought you had an angel boyfriend.” Dan said to him when they pulled apart.

“Yeah. I do.”

They didn’t know this, but they would adopt a baby girl in the future.

And they would name their daughter Lily.

 

 

 

 


	12. Lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk either

_February 14._

The day Phil was going to move out. Today was that day.

Christine had finished rounds of chemotherapy and her radiation. Now, all that was left to do was wait anxiously for the results.

It was cruel joke that Phil was leaving on Valentines Day. Dan wanted to spend the Sunday eating chocolate and giving each other flowers and going on dates and other lovey-dovey stuff Cornelia and Martyn did.

“Don’t leave me.” He whispered when they woke up in their shared bed.

“I’m not dying.” Phil reminded him without opening his eyes.

“It feels like you are.”

Phil sighed and rolled over to bury his face in Dan’s chest.

“Don’t give me theatrics.”

“Theatrics is all I give you, Phil.”

Phil lifted his head to look at Dan.

“Are you saying this relationship is fake?”

Dan decided he wouldn’t answer that and kissed him.

He inhaled the strangely addictive citrusy sent of Phil, his skin that was soft because God knows how much raspberry-scented moisturizer he uses. He enjoyed the little sighs and breaths he made whenever they kissed. He also adored the actual kiss, soft and gentle at first, then transitioning to something rough and passionate.

“Would you think our relationship was fake after that?” Dan asked in Phil’s ear.

“You’re an amazing actor, Dan.” Phil chuckled. “Keep up the good work.”

“I am a good actor. Shall I remind you about Lily?”

“Yeah. You shall.”

Dan sighed. He would miss this dearly. He would miss waking up next to Phil, whispering sweet nothings with sleepy eyes.

“Don’t be sad.” Phil said, as if sensing his thoughts. “We’re still going to date. I’m not going to China.”

“I know. I’m just not ready to sleep alone again.”

A little sun was poking through Dan’s window. Snow was beginning to disappear here and there, and Dan was totally ready for spring. He was sick of winter, the literal season of sadness.

“I made breakfast!” Darcy shouted from downstairs.

“That’s a first.” Dan mumbled.

Phil giggled. “Come on. Your mum’s falafel is rather delicious.”

“I swear to God if she made us falafel…” Dan said as the slowly got out of bed.

Fortunately, for Dan, their plates were not occupied by falafel but blueberry waffles, which delighted Phil more than falafels ever could.

“Have you packed, Phil?” Darcy asked him as she poured syrup all over Dan’s food.

Phil nodded, mouth full of waffles. He was _destroying_ breakfast.

Dan stared down at his plate, blueberry syrup running slowly down the side of his waffles. Somehow, he found he related to the syrup.

“Need an anti-depressant, Dan?” Darcy asked him. He rolled his eyes, then realized maybe he _did_ need an anti-depressant.

Phil nudged him. “You don’t need an anti-depressant!”

Dan was getting quite scared at what Phil was doing.

“Stop reading my mind, Phil!”

Darcy chuckled against her cup of coffee.

“Relax. Phil can’t read minds. You spend so much time together you already know what you’re thinking.”

Dan looked at Phil. It didn’t take a mind reader (or Dan) to know that he was embarrassed.

“How’s Christine?” Dan queried in a painfully obvious attempt to change the subject.

Darcy gave him a patronizing smile.

“She absolutely elated to leave the hospital.”

“When are we going to get the results?” Phil interjected, seeming to snap out of his discomfort in the subject of his mother.

“In a week or so.” Darcy answered, turning on her cell phone. “Be ready by nine, okay, boys?”

Dan raised his eyebrow. “Boys?”

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Like you wouldn’t tag along with Phil.”

“True.” Phil pointed out. He looked at the clock behind them. “It’s eight thirty.”

“Yes. Meaning, you two should get ready soon.”

As they finished the rest of their food, Darcy told them what would happen. Martyn and Cornelia were to arrive at nine to pick them (Dan and Phil) up. They would drive to the Lester home while Darcy went to get Christine from the hospital. She and Christine would be home quarter to twelve because there were still a few more things to get done. Then they would have lunch together.

“Have we got a deal?” She asked them. They nodded and proceeded to make their way upstairs.

“Let’s save time and take a shower together.” Dan told Phil, who smiled mischievously.

“Taking a shower with you is not saving time, but okay.”

 

* * *

 

Darcy had left during their shower, probably because she heard them and wanted to escape.

Cornelia and Martyn arrived accordingly, looking like they were ready to see the queen.

(As you can guess, that’s an exaggeration- Cornelia was wearing a sundress and a jacket while Martyn donned a button-up shirt and jeans- but that was literally nicer than what the usually wore).

“Harmless question,” Martyn said as Dan and Phil climbed into their car. “Are your plans just to lounge around until mum and Darcy arrive?”

“Somewhat.” Phil replied. If _lounging around_ meant _snogging in Phil’s bedroom,_ then yes, that was their plan.

“Too bad, so sad.” Cornelia said in the rearview mirror. “Mari over here wants to cook a fantastically impossible feast for mum. Keyword: impossible.” 

Phil pouted. “Why do you need our help? I thought you were Super Chef.”

Martyn gritted his teeth. “I wish you never drew that goddamn comic book.”

Cornelia ran a hand through her hair, scarlet curls falling perfectly in place. He never voiced it, but Dan was really jealous of Cornelia’s hair.

“Like I said, the feast is impossible.”

“Super chef can beat the impossible.” Phil mumbled, crossing his arms.

Dan _really_ wanted to see this comic book.

“What are we cooking?” Dan asked Martyn.

In the rearview mirror, Martyn looked at him dead in the eye.

“We’re cooking the _Lester Lunch_.” He whispered dramatically.

Phil gasped, clapping a hand over his mouth.

“Oh my God.”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “Would you mind telling me what a Lester Lunch is?”

“It’s the most difficult meal to prepare ever.” Phil told him, looking horrified. “Mum is the only person who has made it.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “If it’s so fucking intense, why are we making it?”

“Because!” Martyn exclaimed, banging his hand on the wheel, even though there was no vehicle to get angry at. “Mum’s leaving the hospital and we’re celebrating it by cooking lunch that could literally kill us!”

“Wonderful way to celebrate.” Dan mumbled, not looking forward for the rest of his morning.

 

* * *

 

After a few minutes of yoga (because Cornelia insisted), Dan, Phil, Cornelia, and Martyn got to work in the kitchen.

“Dan, chop those onions!” Martyn practically shouted at him. “And throw them in the boiling pot when you’re done! You have one minute!”

“Martyn, I know this isn’t the time to tell you this, but I’m crap at cooking-”

“CHOP THE ONIONS!”

“Sir yes sir!”

Dan grabbed a knife, not even making time to check what kind of knife it was. It could have been a plastic toy knife, for all he knew. Whatever knife it was, he stabbed it into those onions, tears soaking his eyes as he tried to chop all thirteen onions in one minute.

Meanwhile, Phil was rapidly cracking eggs into a large bowl. Unfortunately he was panicking extremely and all the eggs were wonky. Dan was surprised there were no shells. Cornelia was throwing a bunch of chocolate bars into a pan filled with frying bacon. This was the point in which Dan realized he still had no idea what the Lester Lunch consisted of.

Barely passing a minute, Dan basically hurled his chopped onions into the pot of hot water. Unfortunately-

“OH MY FREAKING GOD THERE’S ONION IN MY EYE!” Phil screamed, clutching his face in pain as Dan apologized profusely.

“NO PAIN NO GAIN!” Martyn screamed back, stirring soup speedily. “DAN, LEAVE YOUR BOYFRIEND ALONE AND GO GRATE THOSE BARS OF CHEDDAR CHEESE! IF YOU DON’T GET THEM READY WHEN I NEED THEM I WILL PUT THIS KNIFE INTO OTHER USE!”

Dan hurried over to the cheeses and grated them hurriedly as he watched Phil crack more eggs with cloth on his left eye, looking like a rejected pirate.

Phil finished his eggs and walked over to Cornelia with his bowl. A bit of yolk spilled out.

“Donkey!” Martyn wailed, his arms in the air like he just didn’t care (except he _really_ did care). “Clean it and replace the lost eggs! Dan, where’s the cheese?”

Dan had only grated half a bar of cheddar. He sighed and gave the product to Martyn, who glared at him.

“This amount of cheese is smaller than your dick!”

“I swear to God I’m breaking up with you after this, Martyn!” Cornelia shouted irritably as she mixed her strange bacon-chocolate concoction.

The smell of the kitchen was seriously overwhelming. Tomato and chocolate and meat and vodka (there was vodka, for some reason) did not mix well, in terms of scent. Like Martyn’s constant screaming, it distracted everyone, keeping them from doing good on their jobs.

After awhile of sweaty grating, Dan managed to get enough cheese for Martyn to just _slightly_ approve. His feeling of victory was short-lived, however, when he was told to make a batter for _spotted dick_.

Dan decided to voice his confusion.

“What the fuck is a spotted dick?”

“It’s the thing in Martyn’s pants.” Phil said through gritted teeth.

Martyn didn’t seem to hear his brother. “Have you never heard of _spotted dick_?”

“He hasn’t heard of it because you keep it in your pants all the time.” Cornelia grumbled. Martyn didn’t seem to hear her either.

“Cori-”

She turned to her boyfriend, holding a chocolate covered wooden spoon with the most terrifying glare on her face.

“No. During this time, you may _not_ call me any of your stupid pet names.”

“Fine. Cornelia, go make that spotted dick.”

“Happy to.” Cornelia mumbled, looking the polar opposite of ‘happy to’.

“Dan, take Cor’s place on the chocolate pudding!”

“I said no pet names!”

“Sorry!”

Dan scooted over to the pan of pudding. The chocolate was thick and creamy. Had the other scents of the room been absent, the pudding would have smelled heavenly.

He winged it and just stirred the pudding until it smelled like it was burnt. He threw the pudding into a fancy glass bowl, garnishing it with what looked like cream and chocolate shavings.

“DUDE! MY NUTS!” Phil randomly shouted. Dan hoped he meant almonds or something because if his nuts weren’t working-

Well.

The rest of the hours were a blur of screams, panic, food, and Dan wishing everything was over. In the end, the dining table was set with cloth, plates, silverware, and the food: grilled salmon, chicken Caesar salad, tomato pasta, pumpkin soup, garlic bread, with spotted dick and chocolate pudding for dessert. (Bacon made the pudding the best pudding Dan ever had).

Everyone took showers (Dan and Phil went their separate ways because they were way too exhausted to even try anything), as they had been sweating like crazy from all the cooking. They all emerged clean and fresh, in new clothes (Dan found out he wanted to borrow Phil’s clothing forever) and waited for Christine and Darcy to arrive.

As they waited, Dan was able to actually appreciate the house. Almost all the walls were lilac, which was a bit weird but relaxed Dan a lot. The furniture wasn’t like his; modern and expensive. They were vintage, which was quite endearing.

Best of all was Phil’s room. The walls were white- painted with trees in different seasons. There were trees with fiery leaves for autumn, cherry blossoms for spring (Dan guessed it was for Japan), normal trees for summer, and leafless trees for winter. There were a few fairy lights strung across the ceiling. The twin bed had a _Sherlock_ themed comforter on it. The wardrobe was covered in stickers, the bookcase filled with books mostly of the fantasy genre, and the billboard above the desk had funny drawings and Polaroid pictures on it.

The room was just like Phil. Weird in an endearing way.

“I love you.” Dan said to Phil as they sat in the room. He hadn’t said that since that day in the diner.

“Yeah. I love you too, I think.”

“Shut up.”

“We’re home!” Christine’s voice drifted from downstairs.

Phil grabbed Dan’s hand. “Come on.”

Phil greeted his mum with a tight, tackling hug. Christine laughed and hugged her son back.

“God, it’s nice to be back.”

“Yeah.” Phil replied, sounding teary.

Christine smelled the air. “Is that the famous Lester Lunch?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah. Martyn is literally Gordon Ramsey in the kitchen.”

Christine smiled at Dan, ruffling his hair with a delicate hand.

“Oh, you’re amusing. He is, isn’t he? Come on, let’s eat.”

“Gladly.” Darcy answered, leading everyone to the dining room.

They all sat down and enjoyed the food. As they ate, Dan realized hoped with his heart and soul that Christine would turn out healthy in the end.

He just wanted everything to be completely happy again.

 


	13. End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. At the end.
> 
> As I write this 99 people have left a kudos on this fic. That's 99 more than I expected, and I couldn't be happier.
> 
> Thank you for the bookmarks, the hits, the subscriptions, the kudos, and the comments. I appreciate it deeply.
> 
> This story has improved me as a writer. All the fics before this were pretty crap, I must say. But here is Silver Lining, which will probably get a hundred kudos soon. 
> 
> I love this fic and I love you all! Enjoy this last chapter!

It was a great day. After weeks of studying, Phil had aced his Math test, which was something that didn’t happen often. He had finally bought a new book that he had been waiting to buy for ages. He didn’t have classes for the rest of the afternoon. He hadn’t burnt his toast this morning.

Unfortunately, the weather did not cooperate.

As Phil sat in Starbucks, heavy rain poured viciously outside, painting the earth with slight flood and thunder cackling amidst the gray clouds. Phil was grateful Starbucks was toasty and warm, protecting him from the grizzly weather.

For the hundredth time, Phil checked his phone to see if Dan texted him. They were supposed to meet for coffee.

The same text he had received earlier was still shining in his lock screen.

> I’m sorry but I’m going to be a bit late. Professor Altman wants us to stay after class for a little ‘discussion’. whatever that means. See u soon. love u 


Phi sighed and typed a reply.

_Don’t worry. I just bought a book. love u too_

He didn’t get a text back after that.

Phil turned off his phone. He wasn’t going to read his book. He had way too many thoughts buzzing in his head.

His first year of university life wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. At least he and Dan were going to the same school, unlike during the start of their relationship.

However, just because they lived together and went to the same school didn’t mean they saw each other all the time. Though they were now back to sleeping in the same bed and waking up in the mornings with sweetness and smiles, they were so busy with school that their shared bed was the only place where they could spend time together, and sometimes not even then. This meeting for coffee was their first meeting outside their apartment in weeks.

Phil thought about the start of their relationship. He thought about the insane amount of clichés they had shared. They had been the ‘us-against-the-world’ type of couple. They were still like that, but not us much as before.

Things were different. Not necessarily in a bad way, though.

 

* * *

 

_February 29, 2017_

 

Phil sat in the waiting room of Darcy’s clinic, fidgeting uncomfortably.

“Calm down.” Dan told him, squeezing his hand. The skeleton ring shined on his middle finger.

“I can’t.” Phil muttered, thinking about the results.

“He’s right, you know.” Christine said, not looking up from her magazine. “You’re more flustered than I am, and _I’m_ the one with cancer.”

Martyn and Cornelia were sitting in the chairs across them, looking just as nervous as Phil.

“Aren’t you scared?” Cornelia asked Christine and Dan.

Christine and Dan rolled their eyes in perfect unison.

“Of course I am.” Christine said, looking back at her magazine. “Not as much as you three, though.”

“I’m nervous, yeah, but my job is to comfort Philly over here.” Dan said, creating circles with his finger on Phil’s back.

“Wish my own boyfriend would comfort me.” Cornelia muttered under her breath.

Martyn frowned. “I’m sorry, Cor.” He then proceeded to whisper things in her ear. Cornelia’s expression was so devious Phil was happy he couldn’t hear them.

Suddenly, a nurse exited the office.

“Christine?” She said, giving her a sweet smile that was laced with slight pity. “You’re up.”

“Well, then.” Christine stood up, gesturing the others to do the same.

They entered Darcy’s office.

Darcy sat at her desk, looking totally indifferent. Phil had no way of knowing the results through her face.

“Speak it.” Martyn blurted out after a long stretch of silence.

“Oh! Yes.” Darcy cleared her throat. “Yes, of course.”

She sighed and brought out a clear book, flipping the pages.

Then she looked up at them, and Phil saw the tiny glint of happiness in her eyes.

“You’re okay, Christine.”

At this point, Phil realized he had been holding his breath.

Everyone broke into relieved grins. Phil shed a few tears and trapped his mum in an embrace.

When everyone sat back down, Darcy revealed some more information.

“In October you will come back, go through three more rounds of chemo, and after that, you’re done. No more cancer.”

Christine smiled, not at all wavered that she would be back in nine months for more pain.

“I’d say this type of thing calls for celebration.”

Everyone agreed.

Back at the Howell home, Martyn bustled in the kitchen for dinner. Dan and Phil were happy to find out they weren’t needed and stumbled back to Payton beach.

“Thank you.” Phil said to Dan.

“For what?”

“For being my silver lining.”

Dan smiled. “In that case, I should thank you, too.”

The sun was setting. Phil recalled the morning after James’s death, the morning of their first kiss. The sun had been rising at that time.

“These last four months have felt like years.” Phil said. “In ways both good and bad.”

Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder. “I like to think I’m part of the good ways.”

Phil laughed. “You are.”

Comfortable silence fell between them. They watched the sunset, pink, purple, and orange swirling together in the sky to make beauty.

“Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s freezing balls.”

Phil chuckled. “Let’s go inside, then.”

They made their way back to the house, back into warmth and happiness.

 

* * *

 

 

“Happy phanniversary.”

Phil looked up. Dan was standing in front of him, holding flowers and a box of his favorite chocolates.

Phil was, although thankful, confused.

“Phanniversary?”

Dan smiled and kissed him.

“Of course you forgot. It’s been an exact year since we met. As teenagers. Not as bully and victim.”

Phil face-palmed.

“I’m such an idiot.”

Dan shrugged and sat down. “It’s okay. We’ve been busy. I only remembered on my way here and stopped to get flowers and chocolates.”

“At least you did something.” Phil mumbled, reading the box of chocolates.

Dan didn’t seem to hear him, as he was ordering a cup of coffee. When the waiter left, he turned back to Phil.

“So… Christine’s finishing her last round of chemo today.”

Phil nodded. “That’s what I’ve been focusing on.”

“That’s understandable.”

The waiter came back with Dan’s coffee.

Dan sipped his coffee and Phil stared at his flowers. They were beautiful, and he realized they were really rare on stormy days like this.

He loved Dan. A lot.

“I love you.” Phil voiced it, tracing lines with his finger on the soft petals.

“I love you too.”

Soon, their coffee mugs were drained and they had paid for their orders.

“Shall we go see Christine, then?”

Phil grinned. “Yeah.”

By this time the storm had passed, making way for the London sun to peek through the less depressing clouds.

Hand in hand they left the coffee shop, sensing the metaphorical storm had also passed.

 

 

  


 

 


	14. MY DRAMATIC EXIT, MY TELENOVELA ENDING. VALENTINA WOULD BE PROUD.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry if i tricked ya'll into thinking this is a new chapter
> 
> This is an author's note

I am not Jasmine Masters, but I've still got something to say.

I know most of the original readers of this fic won't give a shit (I doubt more than half of the people who once liked this still remembers it), but this is just a reminder to the handful of people who may or may not care: THERE WILL BE NO SEQUEL. 

I know I said there would be, but if you've just finished reading this fic (how deep are you in the ao3 tags? What the hell?), I've recently CHANGED MY MIND. Yesterday I logged into this account for the first time in months, and I found a relatively new comment in my inbox asking if there will be a sequel. I answered no. In that same comment, I explained that I've lost the motivation and desire to write phanfiction in particular. 

Don't get me wrong, I still write (to a point where it's almost unhealthy, actually) and I absolutely still adore Dan and Phil (again, to a point where it's unhealthy) but I write more of original shit now and my legacy as a Phandom member lies within shitposts on the vast blue hellsite known as Tumblr (you can find it [here](https://ramonita-isabela.tumblr.com) if you want). My own legacy as a writer is [here](https://my.w.tt/zvU8TpHqYL) (because I'm a fame-hungry whore).

So, case in point, I'm sorry. I promised a sequel and I was unable to bring one. I apologize for those who were actually waiting. I'm also sorry if you actually thought this was going to a real chapter rather than an author's note. 

I love you guys, thanks for commenting, kudos-ing, and reading. I have not lost ALL hope that I will ever write Phanfic again (because it's literally two things I love: writing and Phan), so I'm not actually vanishing from this website. You will see less of my fics, though. I hope you understand. 

Oh, and one more thing:

Being on this website, writing here, sharing my works-

 

-was the most fun I've ever had. 

 

 


End file.
